Page 56 of Sweet Madness

I let out a deep sigh, lean back against the pillows, and keep my gaze fixed on the computer screen playing the animated movie. Ella says nothing. She just lays back down next to me and follows my lead.

She doesn’t push, and she doesn’t ask for more, and I somehow, deep down, wish she would.

After that, we both sit in silence as we finish the movie. Then we part ways, and I go to bed pretending I’m not thinking about the girl who I am afraid has already gotten under my skin. Pretending I don’t wish I had said fuck all and claimed those lips.

But I didn’t, and I regret leaving the magical fort and the sweet girl inside it.

That night, I had my first dream of Ella. The first and certainly not the last. Because every night that follows, she becomes the object of my every dream and... fantasy. The girl with the deep eyes and kind smiles.

Space Note

“Hey, Shaw. Did you know that there are rose galaxies? No? Now you know.” - E

Chapter

Fifteen

CHASING CONSTELLATIONS

Ella

“I never thought I would find a love that rivals the one written by famous novelists and yet in Canyon Creek, Montana, I did.” — E

It is late afternoon, and the sun will set soon. I sit at my desk, surrounded by scattered purple papers, colorful pens, and the soft glow of the iPad screen. The astronomy vocabulary assignment stretches before me, filled with terms like nebula, supernova, and stellar system. I frown in concentration, trying to recall the definitions I studied earlier. In the last class, the professor gave us a written assignment to hand in before midnight tonight. He also asked us to sit outside and look up at the dark sky—try to spot any constellations and then write an essay on why we chose astronomy as our major.

To say I am beaming with excitement would be an understatement.

I don’t need to sit outside and watch the sky to understand why I chose this field. I’ve loved all that shines in the dark sky and all that hides in it since I was a child. Every time I found myself outside at night, I would look up in wonder and ask questions that somehow Dad knew all the answers to.

I once asked him how he knew so much about astronomy since law was his practice, and he said his mother was an astronomer. When he was little, they used to sit outside at night while his mother taught him about the moon, stars, and all that hides up there. I fell in love with the stars and the moon a little more every time Dad shared tales about my grandmother when I was little.

I also used to count stars every night, waiting for Mom to come back when she and Dad had drifted apart at the beginning of their whirlwind romance. Mom doesn’t like to speak about those days, and when I asked Dad, he looked so sad and regretful that I never dared ask again.

“Baaa.”

A sudden movement catches my eye—a flash of white fur and a pair of mischievous eyes peering over the edge of the bed. It is Poppy, my new furry friend with a stylish bow on her head, determinedly attempting to scale the blankets that drape down to the floor. I can’t help but smile at the sight.

“Poppy, you’re silly,” I whisper, my voice laced with amusement and my heart filled with love for this incredibly cute and lovely animal.

Poppy bounces around, occasionally attempting a clumsy leap that lands her in a heap of blankets. I smile as I watch her antics, my heart warmed by the innocent joy this lovely goat brings into my life.

But as I watch Poppy play, my thoughts wander to Shaw. He has been on my mind all day, his presence lingering in my thoughts. Flashbacks of the way he looked at me last night as I let him inside not only my mind but my heart as well—his eyes soft and full of understanding as I shared my sadness with him.

“You’re safe here… You don’t have to pretend to be anyone else, you’re perfect as you are. Fuck the world and what they think, there’s no one like you, cupcake. I want you to be exactly who you are. No one else. Just Ella.”

He said those words, sounding so fierce and angry as if it pained him too.

Thud. Thud.

Then I think of how close we were and how warm his breath fell on my skin. It was… lovely. More than that. It felt… perfect as if it was meant to be. He and I met in another lifetime. I felt it the first moment I met him when I was a kid, and I still feel it now.

I remember the way he gently brushed a loose curl from my face, the touch lingering on my skin long after he had pulled away. I wonder what he is doing at this moment, whether he, too, is thinking of me. Does his heart race when thoughts of me cross his mind, or does he feel nothing? Does his blood run hot when I’m close? I wonder about all of this.

Then his dimpled smile flashes through my mind. That smile undid me and made me feel as if I’m walking on cloud nine. When the beautiful man smiles, it is as if he is my very own constellation—rare.

Beautiful.

Deciding to pause my daydreaming about Shaw, I focus solely on the assignment due. It’s easy stuff—things I already know, but it always helps to study the material while working on the assignment.