Page 36 of Love to Hate You

He shoves me again with rough hands. “You think you’re such a big man now, don’t you? Say the goddamn words to my face, you little pussy.” He pushes me again, only managing to knock me back a step. “Say the fucking words!”

Remain calm.

Don’t give him what he wants.

“I said that you’re an asshole,” I grit out.

Fury mixed with hate flashes across his face, and then he takes a swing. I duck and block his punch. He grunts and strikes with the other fist. This time I’m not fast enough, and it catches me in the eye. Pain explodes behind my eyelid.

Mom cries out as I shove him back.

Even though I take after my father in size, I have more muscle and strength. I lift weights every day. Not only for football but because I refuse to ever be in a position to be physically intimidated again.

As much as I want to defend myself, to strike back, I won’t. He’ll only take it out on my mom after I walk out the door. As satisfying as it would be to retaliate, I refuse to do that to her.

“Get the fuck out of my house!” Dad bellows.

“Gladly.” I glance at Mom and stalk to the front door. My breath comes out in harsh pants. My heart thumps painfully against my chest, echoing in my ears.

Just as I turn the knob, Dad yells, “And don’t come back. You’re no longer welcome in this house.”

Without responding, I close the door behind me.

I’m sure he’s hoping to rile me up so I’ll return for another confrontation, but I refuse to do that. I’m no longer a puppet he can control.

Once I slide behind the wheel of my car, I start the engine and let it idle. I’m tempted to peel out of the drive, but I don’t give in to the urge. Pent-up aggression rampages through my veins, and I slam my fist into the steering wheel.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Pain radiates through my palms and fingers.

The physical ache is just enough to take the edge off my mental anguish. Only then am I able to pull myself back together again and drive away.

But instead of heading to the apartment, I stop at the athletic center.

I need to lift.

I need to channel my energies into something other than the altercation that just occurred.