Page 79 of Truck Me

“Within that first year of our friendship, you lost your sister.”

I suck in a breath and close my eyes. Sierra and I have never really talked about my sister and how losing her affected me. Carol has been an off-limits topic of conversation in our relationship.

“You refused to talk about her, and I never pushed you to. You lost one of the most important people in your life and then you hid from everyone back home and rarely went back.”

“Until now,” I whisper, finishing that thought for her.

“Until now. I love you, Char. You know that. And I want nothing more than for you to come back to Chicago. I miss my best friend, something fierce. But …” I hear her take a deep breath. “I think for the first time in a really long time, you are exactly where you need to be. I hate that Brad hurt you the way he did, but you two weren’t happy. Not really.”

“Yes, we were.”

“Char, be honest with yourself. You two were complacent at best. That is not the kind of love I want for my best friend. You deserve to be worshipped and adored by the man who’s lucky enough to call you his. That wasn’t Brad.”

“Why are you just now telling me this? You knew I was going to propose to him.”

She sighs. “I don’t know. I didn’t know how. You were so insistent he was it for you. If he was what you wanted, who am I to tell you no? If I had known what he was really doing, I would have told you, but his cheating even caught me by surprise.”

“What do I do now? I feel so lost.”

“I don’t think you’re lost. You’re just a little stuck. And to get unstuck, I think you need to deal with losing your sister. It’s time, babe. Reconnect with your family and let yourself heal. Be with your dad. You need this time with him before you lose that too. You may fit into my world in Chicago just fine, but that world fits you too. And that’s okay. You’re allowed to be more than one thing. Embrace it and be happy.”

Sierra never has been one to tiptoe around the truth, and she’s certainly not doing that now. But these are all things I need to hear.

This time, I let the tears fall from my eyes. I don’t fight it. Her words mirror my thoughts from the other day. I think I needed to hear someone else say that I fit in both of these worlds before I could let myself truly accept it.

I ran away after Carol died, and I lost myself in a man that never really loved me. Not the way I deserve to be loved, at least.

I bottled my pain up and locked it deep in the recesses of my mind. In doing so, I’ve robbed myself of finding joy in the memories I have with my sister.

It’s time to find the joy I’d lost. And that joy is right here in this house. That joy is bottled up inside the little girl my sister left behind.

Carol may be gone, but her memory lives strong through Rayne, and I refuse to miss out on another moment of her life.

“You’re right.” I wipe my face and grab hold of my emotions.

She chuckles. “Of course I’m right.”

“And humble.” I deadpan. “Let’s not forget about humble.”

“I know, right?!” She laughs harder before silence falls over the line. “Do you feel better?”

“A little. If nothing else, I know what I need to do.”

Before she can respond, the front door opens, and Rayne calls through the house. “I’m home.”

I smile and my insides warm. It hasn’t taken long for that girl to completely win over my heart.

“I better get off here. Rayne is home from school. I’d like to spend some time with her before Mom and Dad get back.”

“Okay, babe. Call me if you need anything else.”

“I will. Thanks for listening.”

“That’s what besties are for. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

She makes one last kissing sound before the call disconnects. Rayne runs into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face. “Can we make cookies?”