Page 40 of Psycho Saints
"The toilet," I shot back.
"I forgot to tell you, your nails look nice," he added, offering me a thin-lipped smile.
"Thanks." I was oddly touched that he'd found the moment to say that, but honestly, he had bigger things to worry about right now than my fresh set of nails. I turned back and continued on my way, stepping into the bathroom as my heart skipped a beat.
To think a month ago I was burning down a building, now, here I was, with three murderous men fighting a war, potentially carrying their child.
The past few days I'd been a little more tired, not that I'd bothered to mention it to Noms. It could've just been everything that was going on in truth, not something bigger.
I locked myself in the bathroom, hands trembling as I fumbled with the pregnancy test. The sounds of Julian's frantic coordination filtered through the door, a stark reminder of the hell unfolding outside. With shaky breaths, I followed the instructions and set the test aside once I'd peed on it, my heart pounding in my chest.
The wait was excruciating. I paced the small space, my mind racing with thoughts of Tyrone and Cristian out there, facing God knows what dangers. The possibility of losing them before I even had a chance to process all of this hit me like a punch to the gut.
My phone pinged, startling me. I snatched it up, relief flooding through me as I saw Cristian's name.
I'm ok. Handled the situation. Coming to keep u safe.
My fingers flew across the screen.
I've got guards here.
His response was immediate.
Won't believe ur safe till I'm with u. Tyrone asked me 2 come 2.
Despite everything, a small smile tugged at my lips. Their protectiveness, while sometimes suffocating, was oddly comforting in moments like this. Not to mention his chatspeak, something I'd noticed he did when rushed.
I glanced back at the test, my breath catching in my throat as I saw the result. Two lines. Positive.
An overwhelming wave of emotions crashed over me. Joy, fear, excitement, panic - they all swirled together in a dizzying mix. My hand drifted to my stomach as the reality sank in.
I was pregnant.
My legs gave out, and I sank to the cold tile floor. This was really happening. This life, this family I'd somehow stumbled into - it was all becoming so real, so permanent. And right in the middle of a damn war.
I sat there, my back against the wall, trying to process it all. The sounds of Julian's commands seemed distant now, muffled by the roaring in my ears. I was carrying a child - a Silvestri child. The implications of that hit me like a freight train.
This baby would be born into a world of danger and violence. But also one of fierce protection and loyalty. Would I be able to keep them safe? Would the brothers? Could I even be a good mother with my own fucked-up past?
As I sat there, hand still resting on my stomach, I realized there was no going back now. This was my life - our life. And despite the fear, despite the danger, a part of me was ready to fight tooth and nail to protect this tiny life growing inside me.
I would not lose another child, no matter what.
I rose to my feet, my resolve set as I unlocked the bathroom and headed out, wanting to inform Julian of this. Once Cristian arrived, I'd tell him I was ready to accept his proposal and give him the good news. Good news amongst this mess was possibly a good thing.
Then again, maybe I should wait to tell them. God, why was this happening right now?
I stepped out into the living area, the guards all watching me, while one glanced carefully out the window before taking cover behind the curtain again.
I focused on Julian, my heart thrumming as I moved my chair close to him and sunk into it.
"Julian…" I whispered, clutching my purse close that held the positive test inside wrapped in toilet paper. Walking out with it hadn't seemed like the right thing to do.
Should I tell him? Or wait?
My throat was constricted with the uncertainty as Julian covered his mic, his brow pinching together at whatever uneasy expression I wore.
"What's wrong?" he asked, searching my face.