Page 5 of Cillian
Everyone had managed to get out but me. I wasn’t ready for this. “Do I gotta?”
“Cilly, you’re the only one of us who hasn't said goodbye. If you're going to start a new life, you need this for closure.”
Meadow Oak Cemetery
The setting sun was starting to mix with the eerie fog of New England weather, as it brought back so many memories at once. Pa wasn't a loving father, but he was the only father we had known. Seemed like he hated us from the moment we all popped out of our mother's snatch, but where would we all be without him?
Walking past gravesite after gravesite, the deafening silence made me wish I had something to distract me. “Which one is it?”
“Not long now. Just up ahead,” Tadhg assured, as each of them stopped as if waiting for me to approach it.
“This is it,” Paddy replied, asking me if I needed a drink since my feet hadn't moved.
“Fuck this.” I tried to turn back only to have Paddy and Bellamy manhandle me back to the direction of the grave. They practically had to drag me to the gravestone and force me to my knees before it became real.
Oisín Sullivan
Father. Husband. Businessman.
Bottled up anger, fear, maybe even a little resentment started to surface. As much as I wanted to deny it, Pa was dead.
“You good?” Paddy called out.
“I could use that drink now,” my voice broken and weak. “This man used the beat the shit out of us. But it still fucking kills me I wasn’t there for his funeral.”
“You didn't miss much,” Bellamy defended but it didn’t make me feel better about it.
“Didn't even get to—” as my attempts at conveying strength got the best of me and tears came against my will. “Didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.”
“That's why we're here?—”
“It's not the same and you fucking know it!” Channeling that built up rage to interrupt Paddy.
“What was the service like?” I asked, deadpan.
“Big. A lot of people showed their respects. It would have been what he wanted, side from you not being there,” Bellamy assured.
Taking another swig of whiskey. “To Oisín. Most the time he was a fucking bastard, but he was still our father and deserves our respect.”
Handing the flask over to Paddy, he said his peace for the second time. “To Oisín, hopefully he’s in a better place.” As all it took was another drink to get Paddy to tell the truth.
“Who am I kidding? He's probably in hell. Because that's sure as hell where we’re all going since all of us got the Sullivan curse.” He laughed.
The Sullivan’s curse. Not a single one of us—not even Órfhlaith—had escaped it. It certainly explained why Pa had five children. Didn’t matter what we got from our mother, we were all doomed with the Sullivan curse.
Having it came with an insatiable libido, well-endowed cocks on the male side—dangerous curves for Órfhlaith—and at its worst, a penchant for unnatural things.
I’m talking despicable…deplorable…deviant…degenerate…diabolical sexual tendencies.
The average person would clutch their pearls to the shit we like to do. Dark stuff no Catholic woman or man should have any desire to do.
We don't always act on it. But if we didn't talk amongst each other, we’d convince ourselves that no one harbored such taboo thoughts. Couldn’t be a coincidence, not a single Sullivan had a normal sexual appetite. So, we deemed it the Sullivan curse.
Paddy handed Bellamy the flask, but he didn’t feel like sharing. “I said my peace last year. There ain't much left to say after that.”
“I’m good,” Tadhg seconding. Against his nature, Tadhg suggested if I was going to cry, to get it all out. He didn’t want to see me shed another tear over this man again. To my surprise, Paddy reached out to me and joined me for a hug. A real one, not a headlock like before. After pushing everything down, I took another drink and decided this was it. Either I got laid or…there was no other option.
“This was a fucking lot, Tadhg. You wanted me here for closure, and I didn't argue. Now I'm going to have to push back a bit. If I don’t get my cock sucked or find a woman to bury my balls in, I’m gonna do something that winds me back in prison.