Page 75 of Love Me Not
“That’s so unfair,” Becca mumbled. “You’ve worked hard to build the drama club, and the productions are always so fun. Plus, several of your kids have gone on to actually make acting their career. Have we had one person from Carnegie High ever play in the NFL?”
“They don’t care about that,” Josie muttered, soaking a chunk of brownie in her melted ice cream. “There has to be a way to salvage this.”
“It’s too late,” I said. “If he gets the money he asked for, then I’m almost guaranteed to lose the club. But if he doesn’t get the funding and we keep dating, he’ll always wonder when something else will come along to make me walk away. I don’t regret being honest, but that honesty comes with a price. Who would want to date a person who just said I like you but not enough? I wouldn’t.”
“You might be underestimating him.” Becca set the fork down next to her half-eaten brownie. “Trey likes you for who you are, and one of your best qualities is that a person always knows where they stand with you. Besides, maybe he feels the same way. What if the play is super successful and you get extra funding, but he has to live with what he has? Do you think he’d call it off?”
I loaded up a melty bite. “No, but he’s a better person than I am.”
Which was the one thing making this easier to accept. I was never right for Trey. He was a ball of sunshine and I was a slow moving cloud. Just because he found me interesting for some unknown reason didn’t mean he wouldn’t tire of my cranky ways soon enough.
“Don’t say that,” Megan scolded. “You’re an amazing person.”
“Do you know what he said after rehearsal tonight?” I asked, ignoring the compliment. “I thought he was quiet because he was stressing over his own stuff, but then he asked if we could hold a fundraiser to save the club.” I popped the bite into my mouth and spoke around it. “He’s obviously the bigger person.”
No one spoke as they all exchanged glances. At the same time, no one would look at me.
“What?” I asked.
“I take it back,” Megan said. “You’re an idiot.”
“Such an idiot,” Josie mumbled.
Donna snorted. “And I thought I was bad.”
“Why am I an idiot?”
“Because you’re trying to toss away the perfect guy for you over something stupid,” Becca said, lifting her fork.
“Are you calling my drama club stupid?”
They all watched me as Donna said, “You can’t live happily ever after with a drama club, Linds. So yeah. Giving up a guy like Trey over something he has no control over makes you an idiot. Especially when you know he wouldn’t do the same to you.”
What happened to taking my side? “I thought you were my friends.”
“We are,” Josie said. “That means it’s our job to tell you when you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.”
“You did it for the rest of us,” Megan added. “When Becca nearly let Jacob go. When I wasn’t sure about Ryan.”
“When I was mad at Calvin for doing something nice for me.” Donna pointed her fork at my nose. “You’re the one who reminded me that all I wanted was a man who made my life easier, and that’s exactly what Calvin was doing.”
“You gave me crap for negotiating my relationship with Miles like a business deal,” Josie said, plopping a new brownie onto her empty plate. “Now here you are deciding whether or not to be with Trey over some work-related issue that neither of you have any say in. Shouldn’t what happens outside of school matter more?”
They weren’t listening. No matter how perfect he might be for me, I wasn’t perfect for him. I just wasn’t that person, and regardless of how I justified the decision, I was doing the man a favor. Or maybe I was doing myself one, because he’d eventually come to the same conclusion the others did. Better to get out now than to get hurt more later.
“I can’t change how I feel. The drama club is my baby, and I don’t want to lose it.”
“But you’d be okay losing Trey?” Megan asked.
Tears stung the back of my eyes, and I needed this conversation to end. “It’s better this way.”
Becca rubbed my shoulder. “Better for who, hon? Are you sure you aren’t using this funding situation as an excuse because you’re scared? I thought you really liked him.”
So what if I did? So what if he understood me like no one else ever had. If he saw the real me and didn’t run away? If he made me feel like I could have what everyone else had despite being pig-headed and cranky and messy and unlovable?
“I’m doing him a favor,” I said, fighting back the tears and failing miserably.
A pat on the shoulder turned into a group hug.