Page 50 of Phoenix
And the whole time we make love, I look into her eyes, and she looks right back.
_____
Jessie
Warren’s hard body holds onto mine all night, his tattoos gently moving as he breathes deeply in sleep. Last night I had felt totally at ease with him watching as I succumbed to my release. I felt vulnerable, exposed, but so at peace in his arms, I didn’t feel any need to run and hide from it. The sensation of him inside of me is an experience I can’t describe with words. Emotionally, however, I am so in love with this man, I finally want to live again, to explore this life with him by my side.
“I love you,” I whisper, and he kisses me. “You brought me back to life.”
“You made me remember how great life could be,” he says with strain, as though holding himself back to keep us going. “I love you, Jess.”
“Niamh,” I correct him with a smile on my face, “call me Niamh.”
“Niamh,” he whispers with a smile, wrapping his arms around me and bringing us both to that moment when we can let go with one another.
When I wake the following morning, feeling unusually cold, I realize Warren has left. I can’t even hear him in the bathroom; he’s completely gone. Feeling uneasy, I put on one of his shirts and march out into the living room to confront him, but he’s not there. I begin to panic, to feel the familiar trembling of my limbs and my heart thudding painfully inside of my chest. It’s not a sensation I welcome for it reminds me of so many bad things that I want to black out, to hide, and never come out of it again. But I can’t, not now I have someone I care about, not now I have Warren.
“Warren,” I try to shout, but it barely comes out in more than a whisper. I wrap my arms around my stomach and cough to clear my throat so I can try again. “Warren!” Again, I’m barely audible so I begin edging toward the bar where I can hear male voices beginning to get louder. I glance at the clock, noting the time; it’s too early for the bar to be open.
“Warren,” I call out again, this time loud enough to stop the voices coming in through the bar. I reach for the door so I can push it open but stop myself at the last moment.
“Warren,” I gasp as the sound of his heavy boots come thumping across the floorboards. As soon as he appears in the doorway, I lunge against his chest and release tears of relief. He says nothing at first, just holds me close like he has done so many times before. When I manage to steady my breathing, I look up and let him rub away my tears.
“I thought you’d gone…left me here alone!”
“Niamh, calm down, you know I would never leave you unless I had to,” he says reassuringly, “it’s just me, Jake, my uncle, and Javier.”
“Jake? You mean you’re both ok? You’re talking it all through?” I ask, shocked that he’s being so calm about it, especially after how he was yesterday.
“We’re talking,” he says rather cryptically as he takes hold of my hand. “Come with me, Niamh, this concerns you too.”
“Warren, you’re scaring me,” I whimper, “what could you possibly be talking about that would concern me?”
“Just come with me, Niamh, and remember I love you,” he says, which doesn’t put me at ease in the slightest. “I would never do anything to put you at risk.”
As he pulls me out into the bar, I grip hold of his hand like a limpet, fearing I’m about to be delivered more bad news. Jake immediately gets to his feet as we walk out into the bar in daylight, which is a strange sight for any bar, but especially this one. I smile at his uncle, feeling a little more at ease with him now, but still eye the other man with caution. Out of all of them, I know he is the most lethal.
“I believe I am to call you Niamh,” Jake says quietly as he comes to hug me. “It has always been a pretty name, but you will have to forgive me if I call you Jess by mistake.”
“After everything, Jake, I’d forgive you for anything,” I whisper, “and if you want to call me Jess, or Niamh, I don’t mind either way.”
“Here, come with me,” he says as he pulls me over to sit with him in a nearby booth. Warren and his uncle are sitting on chairs around us, whereas Javier is half laid out on the booth seat opposite us. He eyes me without emotion, then turns to wait for Warran to speak. I instantly know something is about to change, and I’m not going to like it.
Warren looks around each of the men, bracing himself, which only has me gripping hold of the tabletop with more force. The longer he waits, the more I begin to tremble in fear of what he’s about to lay bare.
“Phoenix, just tell her,” Jake eventually says, “you’re only making it worse by prolonging it. Look at her, man.”
“I know, I know, just let me—” Warren begins as he runs his hand through his hair with a guilty-looking expression on his face.
“You’re leaving!” I gasp, jumping to my feet with fear and anger. “No, no, no!”
“Niamh, just wait!” he cries with his hands reaching out to stop me from running. “I am not leaving you forever, just a few weeks. Niamh, I have to find out if Robert is still alive. The only way I can do that is to go back to where you and Jake left him.”
“Then let me come with you!” I beg, with tears now running in streams down my cheeks. I can’t make any rational sense of what either of us is saying. All my fears are being thrown out into the arena – abandonment, being left with strangers, Robert. If my normal self could hear me offering to return to that house of my every nightmare, she’d no doubt want to murder me herself.
“No way!” both Warren and Jake shout in unison.
“Niamh, there is no way I am going to risk your life and sanity by taking you back to where that psychopath might still be kicking around. I want you to stay with Louisa and Daniel, they’ll take care of you, and I’ll be able to keep in contact with you. Plus, you can see Izzy, and Javier is going to be keeping guys on you—"