Page 34 of My Salvation
“Ellais…” Amir started.
The fae shook his head. “I wanted to go with you all. I figured it would be the last tour before coming home for a while.” He drove his fist through the very substantial-looking solid wood end table. “If I had been home, if I had been with them, I could have saved them.”
“Priest, do the units have any information on how people were taken?” she asked.
“No,” Priest answered from behind her.
“Ellais, for all you know, a small army swooped in to take them away. You could have been killed in the process,” she pointed out.
“Then I could have died helping them! Maybe I could have bought them enough time to get away!” he shouted.
She went to her knees in front of him to lay a hand on his leg. “There are thousands of different scenarios that could have happened, but at the end of the day, put the blame where it belongs, with the ones who perpetrated this tragedy.”
His aura began to shift from emerald green to a deep blood red, her color for anger. “Ellais, do you know what grief is?” she asked him softly.
“Pain,” he said, through clenched teeth.
“No, it’s something much more simple and actually quite beautiful.”
He looked at her, tears streaming down his face, his expression defiant. “Nothing about this is beautiful.”
“Grief, is love, with no place to go,” she explained.
She knew she had gotten through to him when the blood-red color drained away, and a burst of gold shone through.
Sobbing, he leaned down and rested his forehead on her shoulder. She held him close and stroked his hair. “It will be hard. Today will be hard, and tomorrow will be hard. The day after that might be a bit easier, but maybe the day after that will be worse. But, each day you live gives you a whole day to experience things to tell your brother about when you see him again. What kind of stories do you want to tell him? Ones of anger and pain? Or of joy and discovery? You can tell him of the things you saw and learned. Things you can experience for him in your lifetime.”
“I miss him!”
“I’m sure he misses you too, but you are not alone, Ellais. You have other brothers with you. Your Vanguard squad who have not left your side and your new unit warrior brothers,” she exhaled. “Who are probably still arguing over which wine will fuck you up the fastest.”
Ellais lifted his head and blinked. “Really?”
She used her sleeve and dabbed at his cheeks. “Yes. It started to sound very scientific when they were quoting percentages. Honestly, I tuned them out.”
Ellais straightened, then stood, helping her to her feet. “You have the most amazing gift. It would have probably taken me weeks to figure out I was feeling guilty.”
She motioned for him to bend down, and when he did, she patted him on the head. “You’re a good boy. You would have figured it out.”
He stared at her incredulous. “I am pretty sure I am older than you.”
She shrugged. “That won’t stop me from mothering everyone in this house.”
His cheeks tinted slightly, then he turned to Priest. “You better take damn good care of her, especially if she’s going to be our little mother.”
Priest just gave him a dopey grin. “I plan on giving her whatever she wants whenever she wants it.”
Ellais stretched, then looked around the room. “Gods,” he whispered, looking ill.
Amir, who was now smiling, stepped away from the wall. “We’ll help you clean this place up.”
“Guys, I’m so sorry,” Ellais said, looking at each of his squad brothers.
Elliot looked like a different man, as relief had him smiling nearly as brightly as Amir. “I’ll go ask for a broom.”
Alderic stood to walk with him. “I’m going to go ask about that wine they were arguing over. I think we’ll all indulge tonight.”
Amir nodded. “Good idea.”