Page 25 of First Time

“Danson for two,” I tell her. We don’t have to wait for a table and are directed to one outside, under white lights and heat lamps. I hold the seat for Scotlyn and wait for her to sit before I move to sit across from her.

“How’s work?” she asks after we order a glass of wine each. It’s all I can have if I’m driving. Besides, while liquid courage would be nice to help me tell her about my feelings, I want to take her to the airport and do it under the stars.

“It’s work,” I tell her. “How’s the day job?”

“Great,” she says. “One more promotion and I can quit the club.”

“The tips from bartending will be hard to give up.”

She nods and glances at the waitress when our drinks come.

“How’s the project?”

Work is the last thing I want to talk about. My face must relay this because she nods.

“Don’t want to talk about work?”

I shrug. “My job is boring,” I tell her. “It’s all coding and making sure the company is online so they can function and not lose data each night.”

“Are you almost done?”

I nod, not thinking.

“When do you go back to Texas?”

“Uh . . .”

Scotlyn downs her wine. The mention of Texas has caused a shift. I’m supposed to be telling her about how I feel, and how I want to date her.

“Scotlyn,” I say her name and reach for her hand, but she moves it out of my way.

“I think part of me expected you to stay or maybe I thought you were going to be here longer.”

“I like you,” I blurt out. “A lot, and would like to date you.”

Scotlyn smiles. “I don’t want to do long distance, Brent. Which sucks like hell because I like you a lot.”

Even if I lived here, I’d still have to travel for work months on end. I have no choice but to nod.

When the waitress returns to take our order, Scotlyn surprises the shit out of me.

“Thank you, but we’ll take the check.”

“Why?”

She stands and shrugs. “I don’t know, Brent. I think there are things that I want and you’re not there yet. It’s okay.” She leans down, kisses my cheek, and leaves me no choice but to watch her walk away.

Gutted doesn’t begin to describe the way I feel. In just one tiny moment, I’ve lost all chances with her. How did that happen? What’s worse is that I’m angry at myself for not just blurting out what I truly want, that I want her. I pay the very small bill and leave a generous tip. While waiting for my car, my phone vibrates. I look at the screen and see a text message from Christy. My heart stops for a moment, forgetting I had asked her to book me in the Dark Room with the same woman from before.

Christy: We just had a cancellation. One hour. Please confirm.

I’ll be there, I text back.

Christy: Any special requests?

I’ll go in second this time. A stronger man would tell Christy exactly what he wants. I’m not strong and I have no idea.

If I can’t have Scotlyn, then I’ll have faceless, nameless sex.