Page 246 of By His Vow

“I’m attempting to live vicariously through you right now. It’s not exactly working in my favor,” she sulks.

“Why? What’s happening with Matt? I thought?—”

“His grandmother died, and his grandad has dementia. He had to go home.”

“Oh shit, that sucks.”

“Just when I thought things were going somewhere,” she complains, slumping lower in her chair.

“He’ll be back, and I’m sure you’ll pick up where you left off.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, although I’m not sure she believes it. “He’s just been…I dunno, distant, I guess.”

“That’s understandable given the circumstances,” I argue.

“Yeah, I know. I get that his family needs him right now. He’s where he should be. I just…” She shakes her head. “Ignore me. I’m being a whiny little bitch.”

“No, you’re not. If you feel like something is wrong, then you shouldn’t ignore it.”

We both fall silent, my words of advice hanging heavy between us.

“I miss you, Tate. Griz too.”

“Lor,” I breathe, my heart twisting up in my chest. “I’m so sorry. All of this is my fa?—”

“No, don’t do that. You’re doing exactly what you need to do right now. You have nothing to apologize for. Oh, have you opened that insane collection of wedding gifts yet?” Her eyes twinkle with excitement for whatever might be in the box I’ve spotted at the top of the pile with her name scrawled on the gift tag.

“Nope, haven’t even started,” I confess, cringing.

“Why the hell not? What have you been doing all alone in that huge penthouse?”

“Wallowing in self-pity and the direction my life has taken.”

“Oh boo hoo, life is so hard being married to the city’s sexiest man while living in a fancy penthouse,” she mocks.

“Money and looks aren’t everything. Honestly, though, I’ve no idea what I’ve been doing. I’ve been so exhausted I’ve crashed most nights. All this emotional bullshit is draining.”

“It was a beautiful wedding, though,” Lori muses. “I can’t wait to see the photographs.”

“Yeah,” I agree. Well, with the first part anyway. I’m unsure how I feel about seeing the images the photographer captured that day.

At best we’ll look like we’re really in love and ready to spend our lives together. At worst…we’ll look like we’re really in love and ready to spend our lives together.

Something tightens around my ribs as I remember how I felt walking down the aisle toward Kingston. Of the way my heart fluttered when he said his vows, how my body burned for him when we danced.

It all felt too real. I can only imagine that it looked the same way.

I can’t get my head around how it all makes me feel. I’m not sure I’m mentally prepared to see the emotion that I know is going to be as clear as day in my eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Lori asks, leaning forward and resting her chin on her hand as she studies me closely. “You had that same look in your eyes the morning after.”

I shake my head, blowing out a long breath as I fight to find the right words.

“I…” An unamused laugh tumbles from my lips as I think about her teasing me about my life right now. On the outside, it looks like I’ve got everything. But why don’t I feel like I have anything?

My entire life right now is nothing but smoke and mirrors.

“Tate?” she asks, her brows drawing in, leaving a deep frown between them.