Page 271 of By His Vow

Everything has been crazy, I’ve been so distracted but…

I open the page on this week before flicking back to the previous one.

And there it is.

The little red heart I draw on the day I’m expecting to get my period.

Five days ago.

Tears burn my eyes as I slump back in my chair, desperately trying to remember a time when I was five days late and that everything was okay.

But I can’t.

I’m never late.

68

TATUM

It’s stress.

Stress and exhaustion and everything else I’ve been dealing with for the past few weeks.

That’s all it is.

Just my body proving to me that everything has been just a little bit too much.

It has to be.

With my head spinning and panic making my entire body tremble, I manage to get through my morning meetings. But I barely remember a word that was said or what was agreed.

By the time lunch rolls around, I’m a mess.

I want to believe that all the lies I’m telling myself are true.

But deep down, I know they’re not.

This is more than stress. More than exhaustion.

It’s the reason I haven’t felt right. Why I haven’t been sleeping, and why I’m so unbelievably tired because of it.

But for as distracted by the turns in my life as I have been, I know that I haven’t failed to take my contraception. I’m as confident about taking that as I am that I’m breathing.

It’s why I should be able to believe that this is a false alarm.

But I’m also not naive enough to think there still isn’t a chance. A slim one, sure, but this happens to women around the world every day.

I groan, dropping my head into my hands. I should have put up a fight about him not using condoms. I should have kept my head screwed on and put every single kind of obstacle in the way.

I should have…I should have done so, so many things in the past few weeks.

This is up there with one of the biggest mistakes, but so is falling for Kingston. Because that’s where I’m at right now.

There. I’ve said it. Or at least thought it. I have fallen for my husband. For the man who is meant to be no more than a business deal.

Blinking back tears, I push my chair out behind me, throw my bag over my shoulder and hold my head high as I walk toward my office door.

It’s still a little early for lunch, and I’m certainly not hungry, but I can’t sit here any longer.