Page 286 of By His Vow
It’s not his scent.
As quickly as I can, I turn the faucets off and drain the water, watching the bubbles go with it.
My hands tremble as I lean on the edge of the tub, memories of the baths we shared at the cabin coming back to me before my eyes find my rings again.
Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve shuffled across the tiled floor and I’m heaving into the toilet, attempting to purge the pain from my body.
But it doesn’t work. When I fall back on my ass, sweaty and weak, it’s worse than ever.
How is it possible to miss someone you were never meant to have?
But it’s not just Kingston I’ve left behind without warning.
It’s Miles. My team. Every single person in my life apart from Lori.
The need to call Lori and let her know that I arrived safely, to hear her tell me that I’ve done the right thing burns through me.But I don’t. I can’t.
She doesn’t know the whole truth. No one does.
No one but me knows just how serious this whole situation has become.
I wanted to tell her, but she was at work when I called to give her the heads-up and asked if she’d be willing to take care of Griz for me while I sort my shit out. I didn’t feel like I could drop a bomb that big on her over the phone. It was already bad enough that I was telling her that I was leaving and that she’d have no way of contacting me.
About thirty seconds after making my decision to book a flight and flee, I also decided that my cell would be turned off the second we took off and it wouldn’t be coming back on again.
The temptation to buy another with a new number just so I can be in touch with Lori is strong. But I know how hard it would be to lie to Kingston and Miles when they come for her. And they will, I’ve no doubt of that fact.
They know that she’ll be the one to discover my whereabouts, and they won’t relent until they’re confident she’s handed over every bit of information she has.
So, if she doesn’t know anything, she can’t hide anything.
It’ll make it easier in the long run. For her, anyway.
What would have been easier for me would be rocking up at her office with her suitcase already packed in the trunk of the Uber and dragging her with me. But that also wasn’t an option, so here I am: alone and terrified on the bathroom floor.
72
KINGSTON
“Ihate to say it, but you’re not going to reel her in like this. You aren’t going to be able to change her thoughts and feelings about her place here overnight. It’s going to take time. Possibly a lot of it.
“You need to let her go.”
I swallow thickly as my own words play on repeat in my head as I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling.
It’s the middle of the night, but just like every other night this week, sleep won’t find me.
It doesn’t matter what I do, how hard I work myself at the office or in the gym, or how much I distract myself with thinking about everything in my life but her, I still can’t sleep. My head still spins and my chest still aches.
I fucking hate it.
But not as much as I hate the fact I can’t do anything about it.
I mean, yeah. There is plenty I could be fucking doing right now. I could be on a fucking Red Eye to London to chase her down and bring her back.
I could have done it already. I could be with her right fucking now with her wrapped in my arms. Hell, I could have dragged her back already.
But as much of a relief it would be, it would also be the wrong thing to do.