Page 79 of The Broken Prince

After a moment of silence, he turned back to me. “I’m sorry.” He looked me dead in the eye as he spoke, the sincerity in his gaze. “This is just hard for me.”

“What?”

“This.” He raised his hand, gestured it between us, and then clenched his fingers into a fist.

“Why is it hard, Aurelias?”

He closed his eyes as he released a sigh, and after so much silence passed, I knew there would be no explanation. “You’re right. I wouldn’t have chosen to stay behind if you weren’t important to me…more important than I’d ever want to admit. I wouldn’t call you baby if you weren’t the only woman I wanted in my bed. You’ve become the reason for my existence—and I fucking hate that.”

“Why?” I whispered. “Why do you hate it?”

“Because…” He shook his head, sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose like this conversation was literally painful. “Because we both know this will end. And we both know it’ll hurt.”

“Why are you so sure it will end—”

“Because it will.”

“Why don’t we just let this relationship grow—”

“Listen to me.” His hand tightened into a fist again. “There is no scenario in which we end up together. Period.”

I didn’t expect that to hurt, but it hurt far more than the bruise on my arm. The air was sucked out of my lungs and my stomach. We had established this was temporary, so even though my expectations were managed, it was still fucking painful. “Why won’t you just try to give this a chance—”

“Because I will leave you, Harlow. When this is over, I will get on my damn ship and leave you behind. I will sail the fuck away and not look back. I will return to my world and bed an endless line of beautiful women as if this never happened.” He didn’t raise his voice, but his entire face was clenched in rage. “So I don’t want to share every aspect of my life with you. I don’t want you to be privy to my secrets. I don’t want to make this any harder than it has to be. Our relationship may be meaningful and intense, but it can never be more than what it is right now. I don’t want it to grow. I don’t want it to change.” He took a deep breath. “I need you to accept that, Harlow.”

I looked away.

“I know you want more…and I will never give you more.”

The disappointment and hurt were potent, and I wished I could just swallow it down like a bite that I hadn’t fully chewed. I forced my gaze back to him. “We’re very different people, Aurelias. Even if I know how this relationship ends, I want to feel the full depth and intensity that we share. I would rather regret the pain of loss than regret not embracing its fullness while I could. Seems like a waste otherwise.”

Now he was the one who looked away.

“I’m sorry that you’re scared—”

“I’m not scared.” His eyes were back on me.

“You’re scared to get hurt—and I’m not.”

A smile moved on to his lips, but it was cold and condescending. “The only reason you’re not scared is because you’ve never lost someone. You’ve never loved someone with all your fucking heart and soul and lost them forever. You’re young and naïve, clueless to real pain and suffering, so don’t misconstrue your naïveté for courage.”

I felt like I’d been slapped, but I focused on what he’d said. “I’m sorry…that you lost someone.” He didn’t need to give me the specifics to know what had happened, that he’d loved a woman and lost her, either because she’d left him…or she’d died. I was stung with jealousy and pain, knowing someone else had received his love when I would never earn it, but I also felt pity…deep pity.

He looked away and said nothing, his eyes out the window into the darkness.

“What happened—”

“Don’t.” He clenched his eyes closed as if that would deflect the pain of my words.

Silence passed between us, neither one of us saying anything. His eyes remained out the window, our relationship in a worse state now than when he’d first entered my chambers.

“Aurelias…” I took a breath before I continued, hoping he would look at me.

He didn’t.

“I want all of you…for however long I get to have you. We could both be dead tomorrow, so combating our feelings is a waste of our time and our hearts. If you want me, this is how it has to be.”

His eyes turned back to me.