Page 31 of Clash of Kingdoms

I was about to ask something that was personal, and then I realized I didn’t know her very well. “Never mind.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “Ask.”

“How did you know I wanted to ask anything?”

She walked to the couch and sat down, Fang between us. “I have the same abilities as Aurelias. But he’s much, much better at it than I am. Your unease is very potent right now.”

I wasn’t sure where to begin, how to explain this incessant need I felt. “I would never want a vampire to feed from me. The idea is just…barbaric. But with Aurelias…I want it to happen. I can’t explain why.”

She watched me, her eyes soft.

“But he won’t.”

Her stare continued in silence, so it was unclear if Aurelias had already told her this or if it was brand-new information.

“I don’t know why it bothers me so much.”

“It bothers you because it’s a very intimate moment between two people. It’s about trust and intimacy, about giving your partner pleasure and receiving it in return. I understand why it bothers you.”

“So…Kingsnake fed from you?”

“That was the foundation of our relationship. I was his prey…and then I became something more.”

“And you…let him?”

“Well, I didn’t want to,” she said. “I was repulsed by the idea. But we made an agreement. He gave me what I wanted if I gave him that in exchange. He told me it would feel good, and once I felt his bite, I knew it was true.”

“How does it feel?”

“It’s hard to describe…” She looked away as she considered her answer. “It’s like being the most aroused you could be…but having no release. It’s wanting more but never having it. It’s like being in a haze that you want to stay in forever. Over time, it deepens, knowing I give Kingsnake something that makes him strong, something that no one else can give him. There was a time when I was angry with him and refused to let him feed, but the idea of him being with anyone else…made me sick to my stomach. I feared our relationship wouldn’t be the same once I turned, but that hasn’t happened.”

I listened to all of that, disappointed I was denied a deeper connection with the man I loved. “Why doesn’t Aurelias want that with me?”

She stared, her eyes full of empathy.

“You know…”

Her eyes shifted away.

“Why?”

“It’s not my place to say.”

I didn’t want to put Larisa in a tough spot with Kingsnake, so I didn’t press her on it further, but it still hurt me. “I love him. He loves me. Why isn’t that enough?”

“I think his love for you is the very problem.”

I wanted to know more, but I’d have to settle for less. “Aurelias and I agreed that when this is over…it’s over. But now that he’s gone and I’m distraught with fear and longing, I realize just how hard that separation will be. I’m terrified of it…utterly terrified.”

Her eyes softened.

“So, do you have any regrets…about turning?”

She stared for a long time, her dark hair a curtain around her shoulders. “I don’t think my answer will help you, Harlow. When Kingsnake turned me, my parents were already gone and I was alone in the world. And on top of that, our enemies were employing magic that used souls as power, so my parents weren’t in the afterlife anyway. The only sacrifice I’ve had to make is bearing children.”

“I’m sorry…about your parents.”

“It’s hard,” she said. “I think about it every day. But there’s nothing I can do about any of it.”