Page 94 of Promised Love
More whispered words are exchanged between the mother and daughter, which are mostly inaudible to me. Jasper returns back to the grill after giving both his girls a kiss, and a feeling of envy hits me out of nowhere. But it evaporates with the same speed when he pats my back.
“I heard you took Autumn for a ride. Was it good?” he asks, flipping the burgers.
My mouth dries all of a sudden. Fuck, I haven’t experienced this feeling of being caught in a long time. “Um, yeah. We went to the waterfall.”
“Really? I didn’t know there’s a waterfall in Cherrywood.” His forehead crinkles as if not liking the idea that I discovered something in his town.
And because I like Jasper, I reply, “It’s not exactly in Cherrywood. It’s on the outskirts. I’d have never found it myself. My friend Gavin likes to hike and roam around in the woods. He told me about it.”
Jasper nods. “Some people have a knack for finding great things. I never did.”
“Are you saying I’m not great?” Laura wraps her arm around Jasper’s waist as she and Autumn join us.
“You are the best thing in my life, Lou.”
“And here I thought I was the best thing that happened to the both of you,” Autumn states in a mocking voice, looking at her dad with such a loaded expression that I swear she could send anyone on a guilt trip.
I chuckle, which is followed by Jasper’s laugh. “You see, Lukas? These ladies like to put me on the spot.”
“You need to move the spot.” I grab the spatula from his hand and put the burgers onto a plate.
“Yes, now that we have you in the family, I shouldn’t be the only man suffering from the charms of these ladies.”
“Dad, did you just say suffering?” Autumn squeals.
“That’s too much, even for you, Jasper.”
While the three of them continue to laugh, I feel like someone has sucker punched me right on my solar plexus.
I’m not in their family. Am I?
What the fuck, Lukas?
Have you forgotten the reasons you can’t be with Autumn and why this whole charade is a lie?
But when I look at Autumn and she smiles, I can’t help but return it. She’s happy. Tonight is a big night for her. She’ll finally get full control of the inn, until the day when she’ll pass it on to her own daughter.
My chest heaves at the image of Autumn with a little girl who looks like her—brown hair, black eyes, button nose.
“Come on now. Why have you left us two old-timers alone?” Autumn’s grandmother hollers, and we all make it back toward the table. But I can’t get rid of this empty feeling in my chest that we’ve let this drama play out for too long.
The dinner thankfully continues with no further mention of me being a part of this family. Jasper and Laura ask how I like Cherrywood and the inn. Autumn’s grandpop is now dozing off in his chair while Grandma holds on to my every word as I give them an abridged version of the days when I was serving.
“You are really brave,” Grandma whispers when I tell them how I fought even after getting shot in my leg one time. “It must be in your blood. My father used to say, ‘You can learn a lot of things, but some things, you’re just born with.’”
When I don’t comment, she adds, “After your grandfather died, your grandmother and I talked frequently on the phone. In her final days, she missed your mother a lot. She’d tell me about Martha’s childhood days, her hobbies, and her affection for antique items.”
My heart thrums like it does whenever there’s a reference to Mom. Grandma’s gaze jumps from me to Autumn until it zooms in on the pendant around her neck. I don’t know if Autumn realizes that she’s clutching the triquetra in her hand.
Grandma wears a satisfied smile. “But whenever the conversation of your father came up, your grandmother would go silent. I think she didn’t know much about him. What happened to him? Martha was alone in the car at the time of the accident, right?”
My hand holding the fork suddenly feels too weak, and the steel cutlery becomes the heaviest weight I’ve ever picked up. My legs fucking shake so much that I worry if others can see it under the table.
“He’s…no longer alive.” I force the words out of my mouth.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, honey. Did you lose him before Martha?” Unbeknownst to the pain her questions are causing me, Grandma continues.
My mouth dries. Never in my adult life have I felt this weak. I rub my shaking hands over my jeans and stare at the half-eaten food before me.