Page 23 of Romi

The situation was impossible. I hated that I had hurt Sonia, but it really was best if we left things as they were. If we didn’t go beyond that kiss, she would eventually get over me, and one day, maybe I would get over her. Maybe!

Yet the nagging voice at the back of my head kept telling me that if I didn’t pursue this, I was missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to me. I tried to push it aside, but it was relentless. I wanted to be with Sonia so badly, but there was no way I could be, and that thought filled me with an overwhelming sadness. It was devastating. I knew I had to get her out of my head, yet I couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was meant to be mine.

Fuck! I paced the ground in frustration, then stopped as the room began to spin. Shit. I had drunk way too much, and being over-tired wasn’t helping. I’d been unable to sleep because I had spent so much time thinking about Sonia and our situation. After tossing and turning again last night, mulling everything over, I’d finally succumbed to drinking myself into oblivion. I was paying for that now.

Sighing, I scrubbed a hand over the scruff of my beard. Sonia wasn’t mine, and it was useless to allow myself to believe even for a second that she could be. We were not meant to be together, and the sooner we both accepted that, the better. I had to ignore my feelings for Sonia. There was no choice in the matter.

My gut churned at the thought, but it was the only solution. I was already in way too deep. For me, Sonia was the one woman I could see spending the rest of my life with. I’d been enamoured with her since last year but seeing her again and spending time with her had me already half in love with her. My feelings for her were strong and ran deep.

However, I thought that for Sonia, it was more likely that I was just a crush—an infatuation. She was young and had no experience with men. Surely, she wouldn’t really want to spend the rest of her life with the first man she had a crush on? I would love to believe her feelings went deeper than that, but frankly, it was better for her if they didn’t. I hated that thought, but it would be selfish of me to wish for more.

Sonia would return to University in a few weeks, and things would get easier for both of us. The distance would be good for her, and she would eventually get over me. I would continue submerging myself in work, and eventually, my own feelings would dim, too. I didn’t believe that for a second, but I refused to acknowledge the fact as I showered and dressed.

As I headed out on an errand for Miki, I was determined to keep myself so busy I couldn’t even think. For the rest of the week, when I wasn’t on Bratva business, I would find any excuse to keep far away from my beautiful, sexy Little Miss Trouble.

CHAPTER 14

SONIA

WEDNESDAY – NO MORE MOPING AROUND!

After crying myself to sleep on Monday afternoon, I’d stayed in my room for the remainder of the day wallowing in sorrow and self-pity, listening to songs about heartbreak that did nothing to alleviate my mood.

Eventually, I played “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus over and over in a bid to lift my spirits. I didn’t need a man. I didn’t need Romi. If he didn’t want me, I didn’t want him, I told myself, but after a while, I realised that was complete and utter nonsense and sunk back into my fit of depression before crying myself to sleep again that night.

All day Tuesday was spent in my room upset. I had been so depressed and didn’t want to see anyone, spending my days in my pj’s and not even brushing my teeth. I told everyone I was feeling ill, and Nonna brought me soup for lunch. I managed to eat it to please her, but I didn’t touch the dinner she had sent up that night. I just couldn’t stomach it.

I knew Romi hadn’t returned after the meeting with Glowacki or after the dinner with the Peacocks. Ash had popped in to see me in the evening and told me Romi was busy dealing with stuff at the flat while trying to find out more information on the situation with the attacks. However, busy, or not, I knew he was using it as an excuse to avoid me. I just didn’t know what to do about it.

However, this morning, Nonna visited me again and gave me a virtual shake. She told me it was time to stop moping around and get up and fight for my man. Nonna had always been observant, and I should have known she had seen that there was more between Romi and me lately than there used to be.

She told me a story I had never heard before. It was about her as a young woman. She had been in love with her father’s best friend. He had loved her in return but had refused to pursue a relationship with her due to their age gap. He believed that they would not be accepted and thought their love was doomed, and eventually, he convinced her of the hopelessness of it all.

Instead of pursuing their love, they decided to avoid upsetting her family, and they had each allowed the other to walk away. I could hear the sadness in her voice then and finally saw in her eyes an emptiness I had never noticed before. I had always wondered why Nonna had never married. Now I knew of her unrequited love, and I understood.

Nonna said that she had moved to live with my mother’s family after that in an attempt to put distance between her and the man whom she couldn’t have. However, there wasn’t a day since that she hadn’t thought of him and wished they’d taken the chance to be with one another and damn the consequences and even though she had grown to love all of our family as her own and had found a semblance of happiness, she would always have her regrets.

Nonn’s story made me so sad. Her lover was dead now. He had died a few years ago, having never married, just as she hadn’t. They had missed out on their one chance at true happiness, and she didn’t want that to happen to me.

“Don’t live your life regretting what you don’t have. Go for it and grab it with both hands. Life is too short to live without your true love. Fight for him, Sonia,” she told me, brushing my tears aside.

“I will,” I said through a watery smile.

She squeezed my hands, and I nodded and lifted my chin in determination. There would be no more moping around. I would fight for Romi. We had a lot of hurdles to jump, but we had already gotten over the first; Nonna was on our side, and that was a start. I knew in my heart, without a doubt, Romi and I were meant to be together. He was worth fighting for. This was just a minor setback. I would not give up!

So, finally feeling more like myself again, I fixed myself up and headed down to lunch. It was Wednesday, one of Nonna’s days off, and she was off out with a friend. She had said that it would just be me and Ash eating lunch today, and I was glad.

Although I longed to see Romi again, I wasn’t quite ready yet. I needed to make some plans. I had to convince my guy to acknowledge that what was between us was real and that going against my family and committing to a relationship between us was worth it. I had a lot of thinking to do. I intended to do just that after I had eaten. Right now, though, I was ravenous after not eating for the last couple of days, and I badly needed to fuel myself for the task ahead.

When I arrived, Ash was already in the dining room staring at his phone in frustration, and I wondered if he had managed to get the number of the pretty waitress yet.

“Did you get the number of the pretty waitress?” I asked.

“No,” he said, surprising me.

“Ha. Oh my god, ladies, and gentlemen,” I told an imaginary audience, “the infamous Ash Rominov has lost his charm and can’t even get a woman’s number,” I taunted him, laughing.

The laughter quickly died in my throat as a roast potato smacked my chest, leaving a greasy stain on my favourite top.