Page 52 of The Eleventh Hour
“She doesn’t have to answer you,” Rafe snaps. “Come on, Jax.”
I’m glad I don’t have to answer that because I have no answer for that. What can I say? Oh, by the way, I’m a certified crazy person who is court mandated to attend psychiatric appointments for now until forever. And though you know some of it, you haven’t even met my crazy yet. Yeah, that’d go down faster than a burning house.
Rafe glares at Dane, and then smiles softly at me, and it’s like an arrow to my almost overworked guilty conscience. How can this man be this sweet, this good? I just kissed his friend for evil purposes, and he’s still being nice to me.
“Jax.”
My gaze jumps to Rafe. He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my face up so I’m looking straight at him.
“You don’t need to explain your whole life to us. We aren’t going to judge you. You can tell us or not, whatever you want.”
I can’t hold his gaze anymore and look away, breaking free of his hold. Breaking free of his spell he’s got me under is proving to be impossible.
“Shall we,” I clear my throat to get rid of the husky sound, “shall we go to the school?”
“Sure, let’s do that.” Dane pulls out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on his face.
Rafael falls in behind him and starts whispering harshly.
“Didn’t we have a plan, Dane?” Rafe snarls before they move out of earshot.
I follow along more slowly, and when I catch my reflection in the mirror, I realise I’ve been walking along touching my lips. How long since I was kissed? Louis, he was the last one. Gideon doesn’t count. Nor does Titan. One more last erased. I’m slowly whittling the list down. There’s a pang and a relief, a confusing contradiction that has my mind chiding my heart. I should be over him, I shouldn’t have pangs. I am over him, but I can mourn what was, I think stubbornly back.
For a first kiss in six years, I have to admit, Dane was pretty spectacular. It was an unforgettable kiss. Perfect to erase Louis’ lips from my mind. But that’s all it can be. My secrets are too many. Now, why does the thought of not kissing him again give me another pang? In the reflection, my eyes look huge and dazed, and my lips are swollen. I rip my hand away and hook my thumbs in my jeans pockets and hurry to catch up.
***
The administrator at the school led us into a dark basement and left us alone. If I didn’t really want to hide in the dark basement and have something to do to avoid the weird conversations with Rafael and Dane, I would have been offended. As it was, the darkness held a kind of release for me. Allowing my cheeks to finally cool and my shame to simmer down to a controllable level.
Dane and Rafe use their phones as torches and walk around opening boxes. A hand slides up my spine, and I shudder, leaning back into it.
A feeling of intense safety fills me. All my problems seem trivial. I’m here, and he’s here, and it makes my heart light.
“G,” I whisper and groan when he rakes his teeth across my neck.
He wraps a hand around my chest and drags me back into the shadows. He nuzzles the back of my head as I watch Rafael and Dane sift through box after box.
“I have to go find stuff. We have a lead, G. After all this time, we might have something.” My whisper is barely audible.
Gideon’s arms tighten and then loosen, and he spins me in his arms and grips my hair, pulling my head back so I’m staring up into the dark outline of his face. I wish I could just see his features, just unblur the blurred. How can he mean so much and not even have a face?
He drops his forehead to mine and draws a cross over my heart.
“I know you’re with me,” I whisper back. “They seem nice, friendly guys. I don’t think they’ll try to hurt me, and if they do, well, I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve these days.”
Gideon shakes his head against mine, and I trail off, suddenly unsure.
“I don’t understand.”
My hallucination breaks apart from me in a rush, and I watch him pace the shadows, his whole body facing Rafael and Dane as he paces in the short cage of darkness. I’m suddenly scared for them. I don’t understand it, but my hallucinations are affecting the real world. Maybe they are making me do it, maybe it’s freaking magic, but the feel of menace makes my stomach sour and fear grip me. Whatever it is, I have no doubts in this moment, none, that Gideon could seriously hurt those two men, and when I search inside myself, I realise I can’t let it happen.
“You can’t hurt them.” My voice comes out louder than I expect.
He freezes and whirls back towards me, stepping aggressively as I back up.
“Don’t hurt them, G.” I lift my chin stubbornly. “I’ll never, ever forgive you if you hurt them.”
“Hey, Jax, we found the box of photos. There’s nothing here. Louis Falcon is the only name he attended school under. What a waste of time,” Rafael mutters and slams the boxes back into place.