Page 21 of The Devil Takes

He couldn’t hurt me, right? Not if this was my dream.

Except I’d had dreams where I got hurt before, so that logic wasn’t exactly sound.

Haden spoke before I could tunnel myself into an even darker anxiety spiral. “How long are you staying this time?” His voice was wary, though curious as I continued to shuffle and stare at him, my hands shoved into my armpits, shoulders drawn up high and tight.

“I don’t know.” What the hell did that mean? It wasn’t like I’d come here on purpose. I couldn’t really leave when I wanted to. If I wanted to. Which I didn’t. This was a definite improvement compared to my life when I was awake.

There weren’t alphas like this at home.

Or…books? Yeah. Books. The books were cool too.

The alphas were better, though.

“Fine.” He sighed, then shuffled his paperwork around, shoved it to the side and folded his hands across the glistening table top. More details of the room came into focus. The engravings along the edge of the desk, a little skeleton army marching forever onward. The dripping candles, with wax that had long since dried, their wicks and lives burning out in tandem.

I was nervous.

I fidgeted a little, waiting for him to speak, because somehow my words had dried up.

This reminded me too much of feelings I had long tried to bury. Of childhoods built on broken promises, crumbling foundations, and rationed laughter.

The uncertainty should’ve been familiar. I should’ve soaked it up like I normally did when I chased things that were bad for me. But it didn’t. Maybe that meant Haden wasn’t truly bad? Or maybe that meant the moral compass I possessed had finally gone and broken.

“You look frightened, pup.” Haden rose from his seat and edged toward me. It was almost like a mating dance. He was a big colorful purple bird, fluffing his feathers, or in this case, his bones toward me. My bond mark throbbed, my legs stiff and numb as I shuffled back a pace, and then forced myself to still. I didn’t want to look weak. Didn’t want to look frightened. Being scared had never won me anything.

The closer Haden got, the more I trembled. Like there was electricity between us, zapping at my fingers, my toes, my everything till I was zip-zip-zipping away, ready to combust, my hair standing on end.

When he was close enough that I could scent him, something inside me quivered. I squashed it quickly, keeping my expression as unreadable as I could, my jaw tensed, my lips drawn thin. And then…his fingers were touching me. He didn’t have gloves on this time, and his skin was molten hot. He traced over the swell of my cheek bone and something inside me ignited.

“Do you think I want to hurt you?” Haden’s words caressed the shell of my ear, detached almost, but…underneath all that ice was curiosity. Like a creature that was just waking up.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “Do you?”

I could never fucking tell.

“If I wanted to hurt you, you would not be standing here, looking up at me so prettily.”

I wanted to point out that I was thicker than him, even if he was tall, but I bit my tongue, my heart wobbling as my traitorous pulse thrummed, pretty, pretty, pretty. No one called me pretty. Except Haden, apparently. I wasn’t sure if he was blind or lying, but I wasn’t about to argue.

Then the other half of his words hit, and I relaxed, some of the tension bleeding away as I realized he was right. If he wanted to hurt me, he’d already had ample opportunity. Instead, all he’d done was approach me like I was a wild raccoon and his words were kitchen scraps.

I lapped them up like the greedy little trash panda I was.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I said, “So why am I here then?”

“That I cannot answer you.”

That night came back to me. The cold. The bite of hot fingers. His knot. His cock. His…rejection. His abandonment. Waking up alone with only dew drops and dead grasshoppers for company. “Why…” I trailed off.

“Hmm?” Haden’s fingers stroked my cheek again, and I shuddered, melting.

“Why did you bite me?” I blurted out, the thought having occurred to me suddenly. It had been bothering me since that night, the loss and anger bubbling up beside the hurt all over again as I recalled this wasn’t the first time he’d called me pretty. “Why bond with me when you knew you were going to leave? When you knew it wouldn’t take?”

Now I wasn’t so sure about that last bit, since the second I’d seen him again, the mating mark on my neck lit up in a happy little tap dance, endorphins bubbling up inside me as I trembled and my scent-blind nose chased Haden’s sultry essence.

“Didn’t I?” Haden stroked my cheek again, his words so quiet it was almost like he was speaking to himself. He sounded a bit confused, maybe…amazed? I tipped into the touch, unable to help myself. No one touched me like this. Ever. “If the bond had not taken, I don’t think we would be talking right now.”

I supposed that made sense.