Page 48 of Tainted Essence
“I do!” she yells. “Being a fighter is dirty, you have to hunger for the win. It’s life or death in the ring. I never wanted her to fight like I had to. Being a lawyer is safe, she would be free of being hurt.”
“She’s a fucking Murdoch and a Volkov! You are the Pakhan now, Anya. Her father is always going to be a target and now her mother has a bright red bullseye on her. She will never not be in danger. Fighting is her escape.”
“Escape from what?” I snap my mouth closed and slink back into my seat, tearing my gaze from her. “Answer me!”
“It’s not my story to tell. Speak to your daughter, Anya. You might be surprised by what she tells you, the both of you are more similar than you think.” I slowly return my gaze to hers. “She has walls built so high so you can’t see the broken little girl that hides behind them. Smash those fucking walls down and save her before you lose her to the demons in her mind. Trust me, the demons of your past can destroy anything good in your life.”
“I know better than most what demons of your past can do, don’t misjudge me. Much like you and your friends, I had to fight for everything in my life. I was ruthless, I was a killer without any remorse.”
“Well, in that case congratulations because your daughter is your twin. You spent so much time trying to force her to be someone she isn’t, that you lost sight of what was directly in front of you. She is dying inside and you are too blind to see it for yourself. Fuck Russia, it will still be there in years to come but your daughter might not be.”
Destiny
Two weeks later…
I’m drowning.
I am suffocating.
A gut-curdling scream tears out of me as I bolt upright in bed. A few seconds later my bedroom door bursts open to reveal my mom and dad, rushing toward me but I flinch away. Dad wraps his arm around my mom’s shoulders, both looking worried and hurt—not for themselves but for me. When we first got back, I tried to return to my apartment but when we pulled up in front of it I couldn’t get out of the car.
Knowing he was spying on me and saw everything that Taylan and I did makes me sick. He’s still alive. Dad gave me a choice that night to end his life or keep him alive to suffer. I chose to let the cunt suffer. He’s locked in the bunker out back of Uncle Bishop’s where he is tortured daily by Uncle King and Aunt Allison. There have been days where I wanted to go see him, just so I could prove to myself that I am strong enough and that he doesn’t have a hold over me. But every night I close my eyes, I see his face and relive every moment spent with him and how he violated me.
“Baby, we can’t help if you don’t speak to us,” Mom pleads. I shake my head and lay back down, rolling over so I can face the window dismissing them. “Destiny, please.”
“I’m fine, go back to bed,” I say. They both sigh but do as I ask and leave me alone, wallowing in a hole of despair. How I could kill three guys and sleep like a baby is a mystery but having Koda’s hands on me again reduced me to a crying mess who can’t even sleep. I know why I can’t sleep, and between knowing why and not being able to remedy that hurts more than my nightmares.
Taylan.
He’s the reason I didn’t have nightmares. Each night he held me as I slept I felt safe, protected and knew Koda couldn’t get to me but he did. He was there the entire time and we had no fucking idea. I roll over and stare up at the ceiling, refusing to allow the tears that prick the backs of my eyes to fall. I’ve had no outlet for my anger. Dad won’t let me train until I’m fully healed physically. But what he doesn’t understand is that I will never be healed, the damage inside me is unrepairable. I thought I was strong after the first time, I put the pieces of myself back together and carried on with my life, but not this time.
This time, he won.
I don’t know how long I lay here before I finally give up on sleep and change into some sweats, an oversized T-shirt and some sneakers, before tip-toeing out of the house so I don’t wake my parents. I want to snort at myself, twenty-five and back home with dear old mom and dad because I’m too scared to stay in my own apartment. I’m pathetic, I know and I think they are starting to realize that as well. I’m not the strong, fearless daughter they thought I was. I’m a fraud.
The crisp morning air hits me as I exit the house and inhale a deep breath, relishing in the freshness. Before I can talk myself out of it, I take off and jog around the compound. I want this fight with Tiana more than ever now. Before I wanted it to prove that I was good enough and I could do it to prove Koda wrong but now, I want it because I want to show myself I can do it.
Every couple hundred feet I pass a guard manning the fence line. They each nod their heads and go back to standing like a statue. I feel ashamed that just the sight of them frightens me at the moment, that at any given moment they could say fuck it to human decency and drag me into a dark corner and rape me—they are twice my size and could overpower me if they wanted to.
I slam to a halt, gasping for air as I hunch over and rest my hands on my knees. Two weeks and already I’m beginning to lose my fitness.
“You’re up early.” I shriek and nearly fall to my ass. I turn around and realize then that I’m in Uncle Bishop’s back yard. The man himself sits on one of the pool loungers with a cup of coffee and his tablet in his lap.
“You scared me,” I breathe out as I make my way over to him and claim the seat beside him. I frown when he retrieves a fresh cup of coffee from the ground and hands it to me.
“I have cameras all around the compound, each time they catch movement an alarm goes off.” My eyes widen.
“I woke you,” I say guiltily.
He shrugs. “I barely sleep anyway. My men stand in the blind spots so they don’t trip the alarms.”
I cringe. “Sorry, Uncle B,” I mutter as I grab the cup from him and allow its warmth to seep into me when I take a sip. “How did you know I would come here?” I ask.
He smiles lovingly. My uncle looks like a badass gangster and to his enemies he is but not to us. All we have ever seen is his soft side—well, everyone except Royal. He always gets to see his father’s gangster side.
“I had a feeling you would find your way to that bunker,” he says, flicking his gaze behind me to where the bunker is. My shoulders droop and I drop my gaze to the ground as I gnaw on my lip. “There is no time frame on when you will heal and be okay, Destiny.” I lift my head and look up at him. “It’s okay not to be okay, sweetheart.”
My lip begins to tremble and my eyes fill with tears and his face falls. He places mine and his cups on the ground, then wraps his large arms around me holding me while I cry. It seems all I fucking do is cry these days! I can’t seem to get a hold on my emotions, they are running rampant inside me and I am nothing but a passenger to them. He places a kiss to the top of my head. I clutch his shirt in a vice-like grip, not wanting him to let go.