Page 73 of Masquerade Mistake
“I hoped he was,” Finn says quietly, looking down. He speaks gently, as if he’s protecting my feelings while guiding me to the truth. I’m struck in the moment at how levelheaded my six-year-old son is being in this moment, as if he’s grown up in the one night I’ve been gone. In contrast, I feel frantic and out of control. All along, I’d hoped Finn would like Ethan enough to want him as a father. We didn’t get here the way I wanted, but we got here just the same.
“When Finn asked, it put me on the spot,” Ethan says. “I knew you wanted me to wait until we could do it together, but…”
“But you didn’t want to lie to him,” I finish. I fold my hands in my lap, looking down at the table. I’m still upset that I couldn’t be there for this conversation. But now I’ve taken what was supposed to be a really special moment for my son and ruined it because my ego got in the way.
“We got you a burrito, if you want one,” Ethan says, pushing a foil wrapped package toward me, his fingers brushing across mine. I linger for a moment, my eyes meeting his before I accept the food. Finn begins sharing about everything he did with Ethan while I was gone, chattering happily as if some huge bomb didn’t drop over the weekend. I listen as I take small bites, realizing just how hungry I am—for food, and for this…normalcy. The three of us. A family. By the time I’m halfway through the burrito, I feel more alert and less on the defense.
“Finn, how do you feel about Ethan being your dad?” I ask. I glance at Ethan, seeing the small tug of a smile on his mouth. When I look back at Finn, he’s beaming.
“I think it’s cool,” Finn says. “I’ve never had a dad.”
“Well, you did. You just didn’t know him yet.”
He looks between the two of us, his mouth twisting with thought.
“Does this mean you’re getting married?” he asks.
My eyes widen, and I look back at Ethan, who’s trying his best to look serious. He’s failing, though. I see the laughter in his eyes.
“It just means you have two people who love you very much,” I say. I hesitate a moment, then I slip my hand in Ethan’s. “And we care about each other too.”
Ethan helps me put Finn to bed, reading another chapter from Warriors while Finn and I listen. He even does the voices, much to both our amusement.
Once Finn is tucked in, Ethan and I retreat to the living room. I sit a few feet away from him, but he pulls me to him. Despite every ounce of drama that’s still tugging at my spirit, I laugh and then sink into his embrace. I’m flooded by relief as I close my eyes and bury my face in his t-shirt, inhaling his scent.
“I feel terrible how Finn found out,” Ethan says, his hand smoothing over my hair. I shake my head against him.
“I wasn’t sure how to tell him anyway.” I fiddle with the hem of his shirt, lightly touching his smooth skin underneath. I feel his sharp inhale, and I find it humorous. “Honestly, I put so much into this, thinking he’d be mad at me for not telling him, or even abandoning me for you.”
“He’d never,” Ethan says.
“No, I know. But I guess I expected way more of a reaction, and he didn’t seem to think it was a big deal at all.” I look up at him then, realizing how callous that sounds. “It’s a big deal, though. I’m sure he realizes that.”
Ethan shakes his head, then kisses the tip of my nose. “He was surprised when he found out. But I also don’t think he understands the gravity of it, at least not the way you and I do. To him, having just a mom is the normal version of family. I’m just a novelty at this point, which is fine. With time, I think he’ll understand what it means to have a dad.”
I reach up, touching his cheek.
“You’re a great dad,” I murmur.
“And you’re a great mom,” he says, but his eyes immediately well up with tears. He gives an embarrassed laugh as he wipes them away. But I know.
Both of us are fighting similar monsters, created in us by the people who were supposed to love us best. Ethan’s dad failed him when he abandoned their family. My mom did the same, but through drugs and men. Maybe this is why I loved the story of Frankenstein so much. I could relate with the creature and how much he longed for love.
For Ethan and me, isolation is at the root of everything that went wrong in our stories.
But now, here we are. We have this chance to fix all the broken things in ourselves, and we can ensure Finn will never know.
“I have something to show you,” Ethan says, leaving me on the couch to retrieve something from his bag. He pulls out a picture album, and I excitedly sit up, ready to see Ethan as a child. When he opens the album, I’m startled at the similarities between him and Finn. They could almost be the same person. I pause at one of Ethan playing on the beach with his dad, my finger touching his tiny face. It’s like looking at Finn with Ethan, and my eyes fill up with tears.
“You look so happy,” I say. But what I’m really moved by is seeing what’s to come for our family. Except Ethan is a man we can depend on, who will always do right by our son.
Our son.
I start to put the book down, suddenly feeling the need to be close to him.
“Wait, there’s more,” he says, and I groan. He flips a few pages and then stops. “Finn hasn’t seen this one yet. I wanted you to see it first.”
I lean closer, studying the people in the photograph. It’s dark and it looks like everyone is in costume. Then my eyes land on a masked girl in the background, sitting on the floor as she looks up at the boy holding her hand.