Page 3 of Falling With a Spin
“Okay, alright, that’s not too bad, right?” Looking at them both. “I can still dance, though, right?”
When I didn’t get a response from either, panic started rising in my chest. “I can still dance, though, right?” I repeated.
“Emma,” Caleb walked forward and sat on the bed next to me, taking the drink out of my hand and setting it on the bedside table. When he looked back at me, I knew the answer, and my whole world crumbled again. “The doctor did what they could in surgery.”
A state of shock and denials courses through me. “STOP JUST STOP NO!” I screamed and pushed back from him. A sharp pain went up my leg, and it was as if someone was pouring acid on an open wound. I gritted my teeth, holding in the scream that so desperately wanted to escape.
None of this can happen, and my dancing career can’t be over after all the work I’ve done to get where I was.
“Emma, I’m so sorry. They were able to repair it, but there was still damage in other areas of your leg.” A tear rolled down my cheek as each word broke my heart. “The likelihood of you being able to dance again without pain is slim,” Caleb whispered the last sentence, and I turned towards my mom, who looked just as devastated as I felt.
My whole life and heart crumbled into pieces as I sat on the hospital bed, letting the tears stream down my face.
Five days have passed since the dance recital. Four days since the news about my dancing career is over. Three days since I have said a single word. Caleb and my mom have come and checked on me when they can since I’m still in the hospital. Izzy and my instructor have attempted to visit, but I've turned them both away. I don’t want to see a reminder of what I can’t do anymore, to have it in my face that they can do that one thing that my body craves. But I don’t want to see the pity in their eyes when they look at me. That a girl so young with so much potential can no longer move her body with the music.
I turned over and stared out the wide window in my room that showed Arizona mountains and the beautiful sunset that set skies in a hue of orange and pink. It was only 6 pm, but the sun was setting, and the beauty of it was the only thing that brought a smile to my face.
After Caleb had broken the news to me, my doctor came in and explained it all to me. The fall I took wasn’t the only cause but the icing on the cake. The exact words he used, too. Because I practiced almost 24/7 and was taking Advil as my life depended on it, my body wasn’t getting the rest it needed and eventually gave out.
A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I wiped my face clear, making sure there weren’t any tears. It seems like lately, all I do is cry. Losing a part of yourself will do that, even if you feel the ghost of you is still there.
“Come in,” I said, attempting to sit up.
“Hey,” Caleb walked in and closed the door quietly. Visiting hours are usually over now, but a few nurses let him by since I only see him and my mom.
He carried two Starbucks drinks and a stack of papers tucked between his side and arm. When he set the drinks down, he almost knocked over the many, and I mean many, flowers that were on my side table. Most of the flowers had notes with them that had two of the same sayings. “I'm so sorry.” “Recover soon and come back; we miss you!” After reading the first three, I stopped since they were just causing more pain.
“How are you feeling?” Caleb eventually handed me my drink and sat on one of the chairs in the room.
I shrugged, not sure how I felt, and took a sip of my drink. I wasn’t in any pain, maybe a little discomfort, but my actual feelings were something of the unknown. I wasn’t upset, mad, or angry. It was as if I was numb now. My emotions went through a roller coaster the first two days, and I haven’t been able to do much about them now.
“Are you still in any more pain? I can go get the nurse to see if she can give you anything else,” he said, getting up from the chair and heading for the door.
“Caleb, no. I’m fine, I promise.” I mustered up the best smile for him that I could.
Nodding his head, he took a seat back next to me. “I brought you some homework that could probably keep you busy. It looks like a few of them are past due.” He shook his head, and a small laugh came out of me.
“Yeah, I put those off to focus on the…” I trailed off as the words get caught in my throat.
It’s been too hard to say it out loud; once you do, there’s no going back. I sucked in a breath and looked at my best friend, and I once again tried to muster up a smile with the unshed tears.
“How have you been?” I asked, changing the subject from me to him. Anything to keep my mind off it. “You look as if you haven’t slept in days.” His sandy blonde hair was messy and greasy, his bright blue eyes were sullen, and his clothes were wrinkly, as if he pulled them from a hamper and threw them on.
“Oh, I’ve been okay; I haven’t gotten much sleep. I’ve been staying here when your mom can’t. That chair and couch aren’t so comfortable.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked out the window with a faint blush.
Oh my god, he has been staying here. If this bed is anything like the couch, then his poor soul.
“Caleb!” I yelled and slapped his arm. “You don’t need to stay here overnight. Have you been home at all? Basketball practices? Anywhere else besides these four walls?” I gave him a pointed glare and shook my head in disbelief.
“It hasn't been a problem, Emma, I promise. I don’t want you to be alone here, plus hospitals are creepy.”
“I know, but-” He cut me off with a stern look. A heavy sigh came from me as I crossed my arms and looked away from him.
It’s one of my biggest pet peeves when he does that, especially when I know he is right.
“Has your Dad reached out to you?” he asked, sipping on one of his overly sugared frappuccinos.
I called my Dad on the second day to let him know where I was to give him a quick rundown of what had happened. But like usual, it went to voicemail, and I didn’t bother leaving a message. Since then, it’s been radio silent. I shouldn’t be surprised; it’s been like this since my sister was born. I won’t lie and say that his little to no effort into our father-daughter relationship doesn’t hurt. I’m just numb now, it seems like you can be numb to multiple things in your life.