Page 54 of Inevitable
Ezra remembered his own teenage years. How important it had been to fit in. Being gay had already been alienating, but adding asexuality to the list must have been even harder.
“Drew and I have been best friends forever. We met in first grade, so he’s always been a part of my life, but then one day, when I was sixteen… I remember this day really clearly. We went to a pool party one of our classmates was throwing, and Drew was standing there, talking to somebody. He was wearing shorts and a white T-shirt, and I looked at him, and… It wasn’t like a punch in the gut or anything like that. It was more of an awareness. This warmth that filled me. It was awesome. Things just clicked. Plus, I got to feel like every other normal teenager and pine after my crush, so I had that going for me.”
Ezra chuckled at that.
“Then what?”
“Then… then I knew that I was in love with Drew. I’ve always been in love with him, I think. But the thought of having sex? Let’s just say I was way more excited about holding hands with him. I thought I was just nervous at first. Anxious. It didn’t pass, though. I wanted to kiss him and watch movies with him and cuddle and stay up all night and talk. But sex? No. I wasn’t even curious.”
“You never told him about how you felt?”
Bas shook his head again.
“I was planning to. Unrequited love is very overwhelming, and sixteen-year-old me was a dumbass, so it took me some time to get my shit together. Only…”
“Only by the time he was ready, I was already dating somebody else.”
Ezra turned his head to look at Drew. Regret was etched in every line of his face, and Ezra couldn’t help but smooth his thumb over Drew’s wrinkled eyebrows.
“We were best friends,” Drew said. “My plan was to ignore even the tiniest flutter of feelings there might have been because my parents were already acting like I didn’t exist, and I couldn’t lose the one good thing in my life.”
“Then what happened?” Ezra asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Bas asked. “I was a stupid teenager. Of course I started revenge dating the first person that showed even the slightest of interest in me. And that’s the story of how I lost my virginity to Bentley Washington.”
“Seriously?” Ezra asked as Drew’s arms tightened around him.
Bas snorted. “Yes. Not my proudest moment, I admit.” He glanced at Drew. “Don’t look at me like that. You already know it happened, and it was a long time ago.”
“And?” Ezra prompted.
“And… nothing. It was highly underwhelming. Kind of unpleasant at the end there. I’m pretty sure your mind shouldn’t wander to homework while your dick is in somebody else’s mouth. Or if it does, it should be about desperately thinking of unsexy things not to come. In my case it was more like, ‘This is awkward. I’ll just solve Mrs. Graham’s algebra problems in my mind until his mouth gets tired.’”
Drew looked uncertain for a moment, but then he pushed himself up on his elbow and looked at Bas.
“What does sex feel like for you? Not the physical part. What goes on inside your head?”
Bas looked like he was considering the answer to that question for the first time ever.
“I’m sure you’ve had a moment or two in your life when you have sex, but you don’t really enjoy it that much, but you go through with it anyway? It’s just… whatever. It’s happening, but it’s not something all-consuming, and it won’t rock your world. Technically everything works, but… it’s just this thing that is happening, and you’d rather spend your time on something else. That’s me on most days. I don’t want to say sex is a chore. I can have sex, and I can come, and it’s all fine. Feels good. I just have to put myself in the right mindset for it to happen, and I will get off, and it will feel nice in the end…” His words died off. “I don’t know. Most times it’s kind of boring, to be honest.”
“But not always?” Drew asked.
“No, not always.” Bas stared at the ceiling, refusing to meet their gazes. “There are also days when somebody touching me is too much. When my whole body is too sensitive, and I don’t like it. It’s kind of like… like everything tickles. It’s this relentless, irritating tickle. And it’s extremely annoying, and I want it to stop.” Bas threw his arm over his eyes. “Sexy, right? You two can still back out of this, you know? I realize I’m not exactly a catch.”
Ezra and Drew moved as if in unison. In a matter of seconds, they had Bas between them, both hugging him. Drew pressed his lips against Bas’s shoulder, and Ezra leaned his forehead against Bas’s temple.
“I like you. Just the way you are,” he said.
“You’re perfect.” Drew’s words were spoken in a low murmur. “Every inch of you. I wouldn’t change a thing.”
“You say that now…” Bas started.
“I’ve said it for over twenty years. You’ve just always been too stubborn to listen.”
Bas swallowed hard and closed his eyes, but when he grabbed both Ezra’s and Drew’s hands and pulled them onto his chest, right where his heart was beating, he let out a shuddery breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was shaky.
“It’s hard to believe you’re a lawyer because you have god-awful judgment. The worst. Astoundingly bad. Ridiculously terrible. And don’t even get me started on you.” Bas turned his head toward Ezra. “Shouldn’t engineers have common sense and practical thinking skills?”