Page 124 of Maybe You

Silent seconds tick by, one after another.

Hundreds of them.

I can feel each and every one like a physical weight.

“Say something,” I whisper.

He digs his fingertips into the back of his neck.

Looks at me.

Looks away.

And…

“Take it back,” he blurts. “Take it back. Take it back.” Each word is more frantic. Each word feels like a shot in the chest. “Take it back. Fucking take it back!”

I shake my head. I’ve been honest. That’s all I’ve done. That’s what’s keeping me calm and upright right now.

“I can’t,” I say softly.

He whirls off the couch and in front of me. He’s on his knees, hands on my thighs.

“You can,” he says. “We’ll pretend this didn’t happen. Okay? It was something stupid. A slip of the tongue. You didn’t mean it, so we’ll forget about it.”

I stare at him. At the wide eyes, and the frantic look in them.

The plea.

I don’t understand.

And I’m starting to feel numb.

“I love you,” I say again, because it’s the best argument I have at my disposal.

“No, no, no, no, no!” he says. Frenzied. Agitated. “Please, don’t. You don’t love me. You don’t. Don’t ruin it. Please, don’t. You and me? We’re okay. We can get past this, and we can go on and just… just be. Like we have. Okay?”

I feel like air. Like I could disintegrate at any second now. Fly into thousands of pieces.

“No,” I say. “Not okay. I love you.”

He staggers backward.

“Stop saying it!” He starts pacing. Back and forth and back and forth.

And I watch him with a strange calm that settles over me.

I shake my head. “There’s nothing wrong with me loving you.”

He whirls toward me.

“There’s everything wrong with you loving me. Fuck’s sake, I told you! I told you you couldn’t. There was one fucking rule, Wren! One!”

“Not to fall in love with you.” I nod. “I know. I did anyway.”

His chest heaves.

His fingers curl into fists.