Page 154 of Maybe You

“I understand,” I say softly. “It’s fine.” I choke the words out. It’s not fine. It’s not. And it’s not fair. And I’m not fine. And it feels like maybe I never will be after tonight.

“I understand,” I whisper.

And then I get up.

“It’s fine,” I say again.

Even if it’s not.

“I’m gonna go,” I say.

I’ll wait. I promise, I’ll wait for you. Please come back to me. I will be here.

All those words circle through my head.

I’ll keep them locked inside me.

I brave one more look at him. His head is down, fingertips digging into the back of his neck.

He doesn’t look at me.

It’s probably better like this.

I turn around.

Square my shoulders.

Force myself to move.

Out the gate.

To the street.

I don’t look back.

Just numbly keep moving my feet.

I can’t go back.

One of us has to have his shit together.

My ears are ringing and my heart is beating too loudly.

So I miss them.

The footsteps.

There had to have been footsteps, and louds one, based on how much force he barrels into me with from behind.

Sutton’s arms wrap around me.

I freeze in place, because I wouldn’t put it past myself right now to imagine him and this moment. My heartbeat hammers in my ears, and I stand very still. He leans his forehead against the back of my head, and I curl my fingers around the arm that’s wrapped around my chest.

Just for a moment.

Before I slowly turn around.

He wraps himself around me again, and I hesitate for a millisecond because this has the potential to hurt, before I give in and hug him back.