Page 102 of Allegiance

“Mom, don’t do it to the baby or him. You’re trying to teach me to be better than that. Don’t make this baby suffer when someone wants it. He really wants that child, and that baby is going to be so lucky. It will have both of its parents.”

That was all she said, and then, she gave her a hug before walking away.

Eve held that note, and she stared at the masculine handwriting on the outside.

It scared her to read it.

It terrified her that Dakota had been in her home and that Violet was right.

She would be punishing the baby.

Only, she’d still yet to hear him apologize in a way that she knew was genuine.

That’s all she wanted.

Remorse.

Despite her fear and anger, she opened the letter to read it.

‘Dearest Evie,

I know you don’t want to hear it, but I owe you an apology. I hurt you, and that makes me a pretty shitty human being. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. What I can do is help you take care of the child. I’m not leaving, and I’m not giving up. That’s the easy way, and one day, my child is going to ask about me, and I don’t want this baby to think I didn’t care. I do.

I won’t push you or make you let me into the child’s life, and maybe one day, you’ll change your mind. I realized for the first time why I didn’t want kids. I didn’t think I could ever be a good father. I was scared that I’d fail, and damage someone else, but that doesn’t matter. I’ll keep trying. I’ll be a failure, but I’ll be a failure that keeps showing up.

That baby won’t have to ask who daddy is. He or she will know because I’ll always be there.

If you have a boy, I’ll keep showing up at the games. I’ll keep trying to teach him how to hunt or fish. I’ll keep trying to be a man he can look up to, even when I know I disappointed you and wasn’t the man you needed.

If it’s a girl, I’ll protect her. I’ll take her to the daddy-and-daughter dances, and try not to humiliate her too much. I’ll make sure she has gas money and a college education. I’ll keep showing up, even though I dropped the ball and wasn’t the man you deserved.

I made a mistake, and I’ll pay for it. Only, I want you to know that when you need me, and on the day you give birth to the baby you carry, I’ll be there if you want me to so you’re not alone to do it. No one should be alone. Someone should love them enough to stand by them. I know that you don’t think I realize how much you were there for me. I do know. You put your body over mine to shield me. You took a bullet for me.

You served in the military to protect.

I’ll be there for you.

You know where to find me. If you need anything, even if it’s pickles and ice cream at three in the morning, I’ll bring it. My personal number is on the back. Anything you need, I’ll get you.

I’m sorry that I negated what was between us. It was everything, and I never realized it until it was gone. I know I can’t be that knight to save you now because you’ve moved on, but I’ll be there for our child. I’ll be the dad that baby deserves.

After all, the baby did nothing to deserve not having two people who love him or her.

I’ll take care of you even if you can’t forgive me. And if you never forgive me, I’ll take care of this baby and Violet too. Because believe it or not, I understand now, and I’m sorry that when you told me to ask you to stay, I didn’t. It’s the biggest mistake of my life, and that’s saying a lot because there have been so many of them.

And I’ll pay for it.

Be safe, and if you need a ride to the doctor’s tomorrow because I know I’m not that lucky that you’ll let me be there, I’ll drive you and sit in the car.

Anything you need.

I’ll be there.

I’m sorry.

I know it’s too late to say the words, but I need to. For you, for the baby, and for whatever happens going forward.

You weren’t alone.