Page 40 of Sam's Salvation

Her dark gaze met his. Electricity crackled between them. She looked away. “Don’t. I’m fine.”

“Maybe so, but I can’t just turn it off because you tell me to.”

She unfolded her legs with a wince and scooted toward the edge of the bed. “Try.” She stood, paused for a moment, letting her sore body adjust to the new position, then walked to the desk and set the computer down.

Sam got up and stood in front of her. Words swirled in his mind, but not a single one wanted to form and come out. It wasn’t his screwed-up brain stopping them this time, though. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say.

“What?” She frowned up at him. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Do you ever think about us?” Sam clenched his teeth. Of all the things that finally made their way out, that was it? Why couldn’t it have been a simple, “I’m glad you’re okay.” Or, “We’ll figure this out.” But the words were out, and he couldn’t take them back. It was like the missed opportunities speech from yesterday all over again.

Her expression closed off. “No.”

He scoffed. “That’s a lie.” She only ever gave him the blank, secret agent face when she wanted to hide something from him.

“Believe whatever you want.” She stepped around him.

Sam turned and snagged her hand, stopping her. Words burned in the back of his throat. He knew it wasn’t wise, but he couldn’t keep his feelings bottled up. Not with her. Something about her removed all his filters. Being around her the last couple of days, seeing her so vulnerable, had brought up a lot of old feelings. And some new ones. If he wanted a chance at what his friends had, he had to put himself out there with this woman. No one else had ever come close to making him feel the way she did.

“Sam…”

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m going to say it anyway. I meant what I said yesterday. I’ve missed you. I know at the time it was what we wanted and the only thing we could do, but walking away from you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

That dark gaze held his for several beats before she squeezed his fingers. “Me too,” she whispered. Letting go, she turned and walked into the bathroom.

He stared after her, stunned. What did that mean? He doubted she meant she was ready to give them another chance. She was probably just acknowledging how she’d felt all those years ago. But he’d be damned if he gave up on her now. He couldn’t imagine going back to his normal life without her being a part of it.

Resolve filling him, Sam took off his shirt, then turned off all the lights except her bedside lamp and crawled into his bed. His mind whirled with plans for how he could convince her to give them a chance. A real one. Not just a fling.

He didn’t want a fling. Not this time.

Light flooded the entryway as she opened the bathroom door. She extinguished it, then walked into the main room, pausing by the desk.

“Go to bed, Aud. The ledger will still be there in the morning.”

She reached out and skimmed the edge of the desk with her fingers before she turned away. With a quick flick of her wrist, she flipped the covers back and got into bed, then turned off the light, plunging the room into darkness.

Fabric rustled as she shifted. Sam rolled over, hoping the inability to see her would stop some of the thoughts crossing his mind. It might have been ten years, but he still remembered how she looked sprawled over stark white sheets after they’d made love. That satisfied smile on her face and the slight sheen of sweat on her soft skin.

His body tightened.

She rolled again, and he bit back a groan. Sam scrunched his eyes closed and tried to think about other things. He needed to call Martina tomorrow. Make sure everything was running smoothly down there. He knew she could handle it, but he wanted her to know he was available if she needed anything and that he appreciated her jumping in when he’d effectively just dumped everything on her.

Audra turned again. Sam buried his head under a pillow. Tonight would be torture. Worse than last night. Absolute and utter torture. America’s enemies could take notes from her on how to incapacitate their prisoners.

She shuffled again, but this time, he heard her get up. A moment later, she poked his shoulder. He moved the pillow covering his face to look at her in the darkness.

“Move over.” She lifted the blankets and put a knee on the bed.

He rolled, then slid his hips back and grabbed his pillows, moving them. Hers landed in the empty space with a soft thump.

Sam propped his head on his hand, facing her as she settled in. “Not that I’m arguing, but why are you in my bed?”

“You just had to open your big mouth. Now all I can think about is Rota.”

His body tensed as a shot of need blasted through his muscles.

“I’m in no shape for a repeat—not that it’s wise—but neither of us will sleep well in separate beds. I’d rather not add zombie to the list of things wrong with me.” She punched her pillow and stuffed it beneath her head as she rolled over. “Lie down and go to sleep.”