Page 78 of Sam's Salvation
An ache twinged in Audra’s hip and back. Grimacing, she flopped onto her other side with a huff. This hotel bed was infinitely worse than the previous one. They’d changed hotels after they turned Poppy over to Moran. Not only because they didn’t want anyone at the previous hotel to associate them with her if someone should come asking about the girl. They simply didn’t want to stay anywhere more than a week. It made them more memorable with the staff the longer they stayed. They’d also wanted to be closer to the warehouse where the auction would be. It made staking the place out easier.
She rolled again, still uncomfortable. She wished they’d picked a hotel with better beds, though. This was night five here. Audra was thankful they were nearing the end of this part of their mission. After Saturday, she intended to move to a different hotel whether the guys came with her or not.
“Do you want to use me as your mattress?” Sam’s low voice rumbled over the sound of the air-conditioner humming under the window.
“No,” she huffed. “I’m fine.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it, Aud.” His strong hands wrapped around her waist and pulled. She slid over his side to sprawl across his chest and abdomen on her belly.
Stacking her fists, she propped her chin on top and stared at him in the near-darkness. “It’s not just the bed keeping me awake.”
His hands rubbed the small of her back in soothing circles. “Worried about tomorrow?”
“Yeah. We need this to go well. For Simon and Geoffrey to be arrested and to cooperate. I don’t want to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life.”
He hummed a non-answer and continued his soothing circles. “You said you were contemplating leaving the spy game. Are you still thinking that?”
“More now than ever. It doesn’t hold the same appeal anymore. I mean, there have been a few close calls, but this one—” She stopped and sighed. “It just hit harder. I’ve never not been able to trust my team. If I hadn’t run into you in February—” She stopped again as emotions clogged her throat, forming a hard lump. “I don’t want to think about where I’d be or what could have happened.”
“You’d have figured it out, honey. Don’t second guess yourself. It doesn’t do any good.”
“I know. Doesn’t make it any easier, though.” She sniffed and waved a hand. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Like what?”
“Why did you come running when I asked for help?”
“You know why.”
“I know what you said. That I’m important to you, blah, blah, blah. But why am I important to you? It’s been ten years, Sam.”
He sat up, scooting back to sit against the headboard. She moved with him, still resting on his chest. His hands resumed their circles on her back.
“Remember on the plane when I mentioned how it was my friends and thoughts of you that kept me going after my brain injury?”
A furrow dug into her forehead. “Yeah.”
“When I was—injured, after I woke up, I was in a lot of pain. My brain wasn’t firing right, so I’d get a lot of nerve pain. In my legs, especially. There wasn’t much the doctors could do except medicate me into oblivion, and I didn’t like that. I also had a lot of trouble organizing my thoughts enough to get words to come out. It was a lot of noise going on in my head. One of the therapists I worked with—she suggested retraining my brain. That when I felt the pain or when my thoughts were jumbling up and tripping over each other, to picture something that could drown everything thing else out. Something—good.”
He skimmed his thumb over her cheek, turning her face so he could look into her eyes. Audra’s breath caught at the intense look that glittered in his eyes. Even in the barely lit room, she could see it.
“I used memories of you—of us—to banish the pain and to calm my mind. When I thought about us, everything stood still. My mind cleared; the pain receded. Eventually, I got to a point where I could silence things without even thinking about it. But it all started with you. You—memories of you—got me through some of the darkest days of my life, Audra. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
Audra’s heart cracked open in that moment. All the feelings she’d been shoving to the side to deal with at a later date rushed out, overwhelming her. She turned her head, pressing a kiss to his palm, as she tried to sort through them. They’d offhandedly talked about staying together. He’d been adamant he wasn’t leaving her again. But she’d kept pushing thoughts of what she wanted away, trying to focus on this mission. She couldn’t do that anymore.
She loved him.
“Aud? You all right?”
“Yeah.” She sat up, then leaned in to align her mouth with his. “I love you, Sam Brackley. I think I always have.”
The hand stroking her back stilled. His entire body froze beneath her. Then it was like she’d flipped a switch. The hand on her face threaded into her hair, and he pulled her in, kissing her with more passion than she’d ever felt. It was like he wanted to consume her.
She knew the feeling. Holding his head in her hands, she kissed him back. Her body grew warm as desire flooded her veins. She needed this man like she needed air to breathe.
Still naked from their bout of lovemaking when they went to bed, it was easy for Audra to lift her hips and slide back down over his erect shaft. Seated deep inside her, she felt like he’d touched her soul.
And he had. Not with their lovemaking, but with his words. His beautiful, broken words that he’d fought so hard to be able to say. Words she had a hand in making possible. She’d never been someone’s inspiration before. That she was his was humbling. He was so strong and kind. The sort of man many men wanted to be.