Page 3 of His Collateral Wife

You want me to know you're real through a rat?

I had found myself following its trail even as I started wondering if I had truly gone crazy.

You've really lost it, Eden. You really have fucking lost it.

But just when I was about to give everything up---my quest, my sanity, and even my life---that's when I saw it.

The rat falling down, down, down...

And I discovered a trap door that my father and his men had somehow missed.

Because hidden underneath is a treasure trove of medicine, canned food, and a book.

Yes, that book.

Because I did say it from the start.

That's how He saved me.

And gave me a new reason to wait.

And hope.

And trust.

Luke 11:13 "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Day 47

Iwake up counting the days until I'm free.

I feel like it matters that I do.

It's proof that I haven't lost hope.

But whether it's proof for Him or myself, that's what I'm starting to feel less and less certain of.

Every day is still a struggle.

And all of the cats that used to give me hope are gone.

I went to sleep one day, and when I woke up---that was it.

They were all gone.

I called out for them until I lost my voice.

Searched everywhere I could.

Prayed on my knees until my skin broke.

But they were gone.

And I just couldn't find the guts to ask my father if he knew anything about it.

(Because what you don't know can't hurt you.)

The voice in my head has changed since that day.