Page 2 of Unholy Matrimony

“Love you!? How could I ever love someone I am being forced to marry? I know what people say about you. Are you going to beat your wife, Leonid? Going to make me fear you?” I yell at him. He smirks, raises my hand to his lips, kisses it, and puts it down.

He walks out after his father, and the men follow.

After the door closes, I check out the windows, and while Leonid, his father, and the third man drive away, two men stay behind in a car in front of the house. No chance of running. Bile rises in my throat, and I run for the bathroom. I retch into the toilet, then I go to wash out my mouth. I grab the soap bar and scrub my hand, trying to erase his kiss. Returning to the front room, I could hear my parents whispering to each other before they noticed me.

Raisa is sitting on the floor with tears in her eyes, speechless. My mother looks at me; her expression is stoic. She gets up and pulls me firmly down the hall toward my bedroom. She grabs my luggage from the closet and fills it with clothing from my dresser. I look around my bedroom and think this will be my last night here. My last night at my home…with my family. I’ve never been away from them for longer than a week.

Tears fall.

“Mama, I cannot do this. Please don’t let them take me.” I begged. My mother kept her head down, focused on folding my clothes to ensure they fit in the small luggage. She looks at my face, and my hope shatters. There is nothing that can be done. If I don’t go along with this, I will be responsible for horrible things happening to them. I cannot have that on my conscience even if my parents treat me horribly. In silence, I grab my toiletries bag and head to the bathroom to fill it. Tears stream down my face. Never did I think at nineteen, they would force me into marriage.

There isn’t anything special about me. My curvy figure stands at five foot five, with long, flowing locks of reddish blonde hair. I wouldn't stand out in a crowd of women in Moscow - my looks are quite average. My education level is average. My skills include cooking and having a decent knowledge of the family business. If I have free time, I'm usually reading. I’m active in our community and the church, but nothing about me stands out. I’m not a model or excessively rich. So why me?

After gathering my belongings, I returned to the foyer with the luggage. My father finally stands. Praying he will tell me he will keep this from happening, he says, “I suppose it’s time for us to eat the food you have been preparing all day.” I hang my head and walk to the kitchen. Raisa was already there waiting to help me serve the food. Before I could grab the dish full of Blini, she pulled me into her arms and we held each other. After what seemed like forever, we broke the embrace and started grabbing dishes.

After setting the table, we went to our chairs. Papa crosses himself and begins the prayer before the meal. Once finished, Raisa and I began serving Mama and Papa, then ourselves. Now meals have never been much of a social affair, but I could cut the tension with a knife. “Papa, I cannot do this. You must do something. Pozhaluysta!8 There must be something else we can do, something else we can offer them?” My voice shakes with panic.

“Lina, please,” he slams his fist down on the table. “we have offered everything we could think of. Money…property…we have given into the business proposition, but that son of his has his eyes set on you. He has been watching you for some time now, especially at church. You must do this for Raisa.” Papa begged. I didn’t even know Leonid attended our parish. That’s news to me, as every Babushka there is always pointing out the single young men to me, always encouraging marriage. I didn’t even think a man with his reputation could be religious!

I sit and stare at my plate, knowing full well I couldn’t take a single bite. The bile in my throat I fear would come up if I tried to eat. How would I endure this? Leonid is a man who possesses incredible strength. If I fought him, would he kill me? Part of me thinks death would be a welcome gift if it meant I wouldn’t have to be his wife. The thought of them taking Raisa is what would prevent me from doing that. I'm willing to sacrifice my future to ensure her safety. That is what older sisters do, right? I have always been her protector. To prevent him from hitting her, I offer myself as a target for my father's drunken beatings.

After dinner, I help Raisa and my mother clean up while Papa goes to his office to complete the unfinished paperwork from earlier. There was a silence, unlike anything that has ever been in our home. Mama couldn’t look at me. Mama’s expression showed no emotion. She has never given me the love and affection normal mothers do. She knew I wouldn’t try to fight her on this. I am outspoken, but I also know when to be submissive. They taught me that from a very young age. Once all the cleaning was done, Mama sent us to our rooms, and the only thing I could hear was the sound of my heartbeat.

I lay in my bed staring at the wall while Raisa finished up in the bathroom. As soon as she walked into the room, I spread out the comforter, and she eagerly hopped onto the bed. She studied my face as if trying to find the right words to say. “Will I see you again?” Raisa asked in a barely audible whisper. “I would think so. I don’t see why he would keep me away from my family. We attend the same parish, so I assume Leonid lives in town, so why wouldn’t I?” I replied.

Maybe if he lives in Moscow, it will allow me to escape after some time.

“Why do you think he chose you? I know I think you're beautiful and any man would be stupid to not want you as their wife, but why him?” Raisa shook her head in bewilderment at the thought of Leonid. Honestly, I can’t fathom why he would choose me either. Despite our strong faith, we didn't say our prayers. It was as if even God couldn't help us at that moment. Holding my sister’s hand, I drifted off to sleep, hoping this was all just a nightmare, and I’d wake up to normalcy tomorrow.

My eyes shot open when the sun had just broken in the sky. Fuck! It wasn’t a dream. This is happening today. Fuck. I want to scream. I’m not ready for this. Lord have mercy and give me strength. Time to get up and say morning prayers with the family, then three hours until I am taken away.

We all gathered in front of our beautiful icon corner right off the front room. The Saints stare at me as I mindlessly go through the prayers as my father reads from the family prayer book. On any normal day, I wouldn’t let my mind wander during prayer, but today I just don’t see the point. God cannot save me, and neither can the Saints intercede. My mind wanders to Leonid and how his eyes seemed to penetrate my thoughts the moment he locked his with mine last night. How could such a handsome man be so awful?

After prayer, I went through my morning chores. I knew the expectation to do them wasn’t gone just because I would be leaving. I welcomed the mundane tasks to keep my mind from wandering. Raisa was doing her morning studies with my mama in the library. After making sure everything was done, I then went to get ready for Liturgy.

The deep shade of blue in the long dress I chose worked perfectly with the color of my eyes. Thick leggings to help keep me warm, woolen socks, and my favorite winter boots. I head to the foyer and as I finished up in front of the mirror, a sudden, loud knock on the door made me jump. I was pinning my hair back to put my platok on. He can wait outside! After making sure my platok was on straight, I stepped back from the mirror. I tied my double knot, turned toward the door, and took a deep breath. With my hand on the doorknob, I say a quick prayer.

Lord, don’t let me become this man’s punching bag. I don’t know how much more hurt I can take. My heart, mind, and body are just so tired….

The sharp knocks continue. I turn the knob and open the door to my fate.

1. Hello

2. Love

3. Enough with this shit!

4. Love

5. Shut up

6. Lion

7. Love

8. Please!

Chapter two