Page 11 of Say You'll Stay
June—returned to piece me back together, to banish the demons that have taken root in my shattered heart.
I wrench open the door, every nerve ending alight with anticipation. But it’s not June standing there, not the man I’ve ached for with every fiber of my being.
It’s just Alex standing there. Worry etched into the lines of our friend’s face, brow creased with concern…
And the bubble of hope bursts, leaving behind only a dull, throbbing ache. The demons howl in triumph, sensing my vulnerability, their claws scrabbling at the last vestiges of my composure.
“Hey, stranger,” Alex says, their voice soft and cautious. “Can I come in?”
I teeter on the precipice, torn between the desire to retreat; pull away to deal with my depression alone, and the steadying pull of Alex’s concerned gaze.
The demons sense my indecision, their laughter echoing in the hollows of my chest, taunting me with the shame of my own wishful thinking.
But something in the way Alex holds my gaze, unwavering and sure, pushes back the shadows, and I find myself stepping aside, the words scraping past the lump in my throat. “Yeah. Of course.”
We settle, an island of carefully maintained distance amid the detritus of my unraveling. Their nervous energy palpable, a mirror of my own barely leashed turmoil.
“I saw June. He’s a wreck, Cara.”
His name, a dagger between my ribs, stealing breath and reason alike. “He made his choice,” I choke out, each word ashes on my tongue. “He let me go.”
Alex’s touch anchors me, their voice a lifeline thrown into the maelstrom. “It’s not that simple. He’s lost too, Cara.”
Bitter mirth burbles up, venom and vitriol. “Funny way of showing it, parading around with his new accessory.”
“People lash out when they’re hurt. They run from the pain, even if it means losing what matters most.”
Their wisdom is a lance to my festering wounds, drawing poison to the surface. “When did you get so wise?” I rasp, unshed tears clogging my throat.
“Somewhere between tequila and regret,” they quip, gallows humor falling flat.
Silence stretches, a gulf of shared history and unspoken understanding. “I’m adrift, Alex. Cutting him out feels like carving away pieces of myself.”
Steady pressure on my knee, a tether to a world gone mad. “Take it one breath at a time, Cara. You don’t need all the answers now.”
The tears fall unchecked, salt and sorrow. “What if the pain never stops?”
“Then you learn to carry it. To build a life around the hurt, brick by brick. To risk your heart again, even when it feels like the end of everything.”
Their words wash over me, a temporary balm to my fractured psyche. “Thank you. For being my port in the storm.”
“Anytime, babe. Dragging your ass out of the pit of despair is what I do best.”
Laughter, rusty and unfamiliar, a chink in my armor of anguish. Slowly, painstakingly, the day inches forward. Tears and laughter, memory and revelation, all bleeding together in a twisted tapestry of shared history.
As the sun dips below the horizon, painting the world in shades of bruise and apology, a fragile flicker of hope alights in my chest. The barest ember, stubbornly clinging to life amidst the ashes of my scorched heart.
Alex pulls me close, their embrace a promise and a prayer. “You’re going to be okay, Cara. Not today, maybe not tomorrow. But someday. I promise.”
I breathe deep, pulling jasmine and agony into lungs too used to sobbing. In this moment, balanced on the knife’s edge of despair and determination, I make a silent vow.
No matter what fresh hell awaits, no matter how long I must crawl through the wreckage of my life, I will endure. I will claw my way back to the woman I once was, the woman I could still become.
Even if it means learning to live with the specter of June’s memory, a phantom limb forever aching for his touch. Even if it means relearning how to trust, how to love, one stumbling step at a time.
Still, the demons’ cruel laughter boo and taunt, even as Alex’s comforting embrace anchors me to the present.
And the respite is fleeting, for as I pull back, a sudden shift in the air sets my nerves on edge.