Page 42 of Living with Fire
“If you want a reference, I could maybe try and get one for you, but… I, uh, I don’t really talk to anyone from back home,” I admit, dropping my eyes down to the desk. It’s the first time I’ve admitted that out loud to anyone.
A pang of homesickness hits me square in the chest and I have to take a steadying breath to keep myself composed as a wave of emotion I wasn’t expecting washes over me. Maddie’s face floats in front of my eyes and then my brothers. Connor, Devin. My dad. I miss them all so much.
“You in some kind of trouble?”
My head snaps back up, shock evident in the stare I give him. “What? No!”
I’m not entirely sure what kind of trouble he means, though. My first inclination is trouble with the authorities, but trouble can mean so many different things. Am I in trouble with Vincent? Well, if he found me I would be.
In a less indignant tone, I amend carefully, “I’m not running from the cops, if that’s what you mean.”
Nate regards me meticulously, turning my words over in his mind. My stomach takes a deep dive to my feet as he does, and I fight not to squirm under his watchful gaze. He knows something is off. Something I’m not telling him. I can feel it.
I can see the questions in his eyes as he nods slowly as if figuring it out. “But… you are running from something? Or someone?”
I’m taken back to the moment when I told him yesterday that I trusted him, and I know it’s as true now as it was then. There aren’t a lot of things that I trust these days, but Nate is one thing I think I can, even if I can’t explain why. I could probably tell him every sordid detail of my life from the last few years and face no judgment from him. In fact, I could picture him vowing to keep me safe and protected from Vincent.
The problem with telling him any of it, however, is that it opens things up for him to get hurt should Vincent ever find me. Getting involved with Nate in any capacity puts him in harm's way, something I’d be smart to remember in those moments when I want him to kiss me.
I wouldn’t put it past Vincent to try and assault Nate if he saw some of the looks we’ve shared in the past few days. Vincent would be livid. Thinking about it, I have little doubt that Nate wouldn’t feel his wrath. I can’t put Nate in that kind of situation. I can’t put him in that kind of danger. I can’t risk it. Especially after everything the man has done for me.
“Sav?” he says quietly, his blue eyes soft and patient.
I break out of my speculations with a heavy breath, mustering up a sad smile. “I’d rather we didn’t talk about it, if that’s okay with you.”
It’s confirmation enough for him, and he nods, allowing the conversation to drop, though I’m not foolish enough to think it’s the last time it’ll be brought up. For now he’s giving me this reprieve.
“I don’t know if I can pay you what you’re worth,” he says, bringing the subject back to the issue at hand. “I’m guessing I should be paying you at least what my accountant charges me, but there’s a reason I’m sitting here trying to do this and he isn’t.”
“Nate, I wouldn’t dream of charging you something,” I say, laughing. “You do recall the fact that you’re letting me stay in your home, right? And that you’ve fed me the last couple of days?”
He snaps his fingers like he’s just figured out the solution to the world’s biggest problem. “Free meals. Christ, you can drink for free too. And I’ll up your wage from the serving position, obviously.”
“Why don’t you see how I do first? Let me prove myself to you,” I caution. I have the utmost faith in myself, and I know I can figure this all out for him, but I’d like him to see that for himself.
He’s already shaking his head. “You won’t be making tips if you’re not serving.”
“I wouldn’t mind still serving some of the time,” I tell him with a small frown. I didn’t realize it was going to be one or the other. “It’s been nice to be around people.”
“Sav,” he says, leaning forward across the desk, his facial expression conveying how serious this is. “The government has threatened to shut me down in less than five weeks because the taxes haven’t been done in years. My accountant gave me two weeks to get everything sorted. From there, he gets to figure the math out. I have ten days left.”
He lets out a long, exhausted sigh that sounds like he’s been holding in for days. He curses right after, scrubbing his hands over his face.
“I haven’t told anyone that. Haven’t even spoken the words out loud to myself.” He surveys the disaster in his office and for a man who has been nothing but ready to take on and conquer the world for everyone else, he looks positively defeated by this, and what it could mean for him. He slumps back into his chair, his eyes finding a spot on his desk that seems fascinating, and adds quietly, “Even if I manage to get all this stuff to the accountant, and he gets it in before the deadline… if we owe a lot of money, I stand to lose the bar.”
My heart aches for him, with him, in that moment. The stress, exhaustion, and lack of knowledge have done a number on him. I feel for him. I know exactly what it’s like to bear a secret so big that it can destroy not only you, but those around you. I know how heavy that is. And I know what it’s like to keep it to yourself to protect those you love the most.
I look around at the mess in the office. It’s going to be more work than I thought, but I’ve faced tighter deadlines than this. And I think I can work even more magic than Nate’s prepared for.
Doing some quick math, I work it out in my head. He has less than five weeks, so I narrow that down to four. The accountant will want a few days with my reports and numbers, though I’m confident in myself. I know my shit. Three days should be enough for him. That gives me twenty-five days with this mess. Though, I should narrow my own deadline down to twenty-one and give myself a couple of days leeway. Just in case.
“Nate?” I murmur his name, bringing my eyes back to him. It takes him a moment to lift his to mine and I have to fight not to frown, instead giving him a reassuring smile once I see the crushing weight of the world in the blue depths. “Call your accountant and tell him he’ll have it within twenty-five days. It’ll all be prepared so perfectly for him that all he’ll need to do is look it over and submit it.”
Nate stares at me for a long time, his eyes assessing, weighing if he thinks I can do what I’m promising. I know I can, so I sit confidently and allow him the time he needs to figure it out. I know there’s a lot riding on this, and it can make or break his business, so if he needed a day or so to think about it, I wouldn’t fault him.
But instead, he says, “Okay. I trust you.”
I’m pretty sure those three words just melted me into a puddle of goo that he’s going to need to mop up from his office floor. Yesterday I gave him my trust, and today he’s giving me his. Given that I don’t believe he allows anyone to help him often, I feel honored. This place means a lot to him, and I don’t want to let him down.