Page 51 of Living with Fire

I’m keenly aware that more than one set of eyes is on us, and that the table has fallen quiet, adding to my sudden discomfort. I don’t want to make a scene. Sucking in a deep breath, and summoning every bit of strength I can gather, I raise my eyes back to Nate’s and flash him a reassuring smile, this time managing to make it look half decent.

“Locked offices might remind me of burning buildings,” I say, nudging him with my shoulder, and adding a laugh so he knows there’s no harm done by his comment.

It doesn’t work.

His incredibly gorgeous face falls, and he looks stricken as he puts it all together. I can’t help but cringe because I put that look there; it’s better than the alternative. He doesn’t want to know the other horrors I’ve endured, especially in front of a bunch of people.

Dismayed blue eyes stare at me, his fingers gripping my hand tighter as I’m sure the memory flashes through his mind. “Fuck, Savanna, I didn’t—”

“Don’t,” I cut him off, swiping my other hand through the air gently. “You didn’t know. You didn’t do it intentionally.”

As the words leave my mouth, I know how true they are. I know Nate would never do anything to hurt me if he could help it. The devastation in his eyes tells me as much. That’s not something you can fake or hide. It’s killing him to think he put me back into the nightmare of the fire.

“Hey, I’m okay. Because of you,” I say quietly. “Because of you, I’ve got a roof over my head, a job to go to every day, and people that I’m really enjoying spending time with.”

He doesn’t look convinced. I can see the war going on within him. One side saying he should beat himself up for causing me anguish. The other wanting to listen to my words and take them at face value. To trust me.

“I’m sorry,” he croaks, and I watch his Adam's apple bob harshly.

Reaching up, I press my free hand against the side of his face. I wish I could take a moment to savor how the whiskers of his five-o-clock shadow scratch my palm, but I don’t. Instead, I lean in and press my cheek against his other, my lips at his ear.

“I’m here because of you,” I say, emphasizing that it’s because of him. “Don’t beat yourself up for something you didn’t know. I’m here. Be here with me too.”

I can feel him breathing in deeply, breathing me in, taking in the words that I tell him, and slowly he starts to relax. Part of me wishes I had told him the truth, but another says it would have made him feel even worse.

Maybe I should have told a different lie, but I was on the verge of panic when he pulled me out of my memories, and it was the first thing I could think of that would make sense.

But fuck, I wish I hadn’t made him feel like he feels now.

Nate might act like he has everything together all the time, like he never needs help, but I’ve seen the cracks in that armor. He hates looking like he has a weakness, but he has them, and I’m almost positive that I’m quickly becoming one. I’d do well to remember that the next time I’m triggered by an old memory.

Because there will be a next time. I’m sure of it.

CHAPTER 18

NATE

I feel like a steaming pile of shit that’s just been run over by a fire engine. I can’t believe I was so careless in my choice of words, eliciting such horrible memories for Savanna. She’s wrong; I should have known better; I should have thought my words through more wisely.

When I got back to the table and Quinn asked that asinine question about chains and whips, I was worried that whatever happened in my absence had made Savanna uncomfortable. The first thing I thought was maybe I shouldn’t have invited her for dinner, or hell, maybe I shouldn’t have asked everyone to come out tonight for dinner. It had been my idea this morning when we were getting off shift.

The thing is, I want her to meet my friends. Not just Liam and Brody, but everyone who is a big part of my life. Plus, I know she could use friends of her own, and I think she’ll get along great with Hailey and Quinn. If they don’t scare her off first.

She’s trying so hard to make me feel better, and while her words are soothing, it’s truly the scent of her that seems to be calming me more than her voice. Hints of citrus and vanilla have been lingering around me since we sat in the office. Side by side at the table it’s wafted my way occasionally. Multiple times I’ve had to stop myself from leaning in to take a big breath of it.

Now that she’s up in my space, with her face pressed against my cheek, I don’t need to lean in. It’s all around me. I inhale deeply, once, twice, a third time, completely under the spell of the sweetness that is Savanna, and Christ, all I want to do is stay right here in this moment and keep breathing her in.

“I’m here,” I whisper to her.

Her cheek lifts against mine, and I know I put a smile on her face, which has my own lips curving. As much as I would love not to move from this spot, I have to remember we have an audience.

I force myself to slowly pull back from her, realizing my mistake the moment our eyes meet. The tenderness I see there as she continues to hold my face in her small hand settles in my chest. She’s so close that it wouldn’t take much to tilt my head and capture her lips. An opportunity that Savanna recognizes as well if her soft intake of breath is any indication.

We both want it. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I’m half a second from claiming her mouth when the empty chair next to mine scrapes across the wood floor, screeching in a way no chair should screech. It causes both Savanna and me to pull away from each other, our attention diverting to the intrusion.

“Dude!” Liam groans in complaint, and I must say for once I agree with his tone.

“I know, I know, we’re late,” Mac says as he drops down beside me. “Have you guys ordered yet?”