Page 63 of Living with Fire
Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, I revel in the way she fits perfectly against me. “I hope the good parts of home.”
Savanna slides an arm around my waist and looks up at me with the same tenderness she showed in the truck, nodding. “The best parts. Hiking was something my dad and I did together.”
For a moment she’s silent, looking back to our surroundings, deeply inhaling the fresh air around us. “My brothers both played hockey, and that took up a lot of his time. He carted me along with them because there was nowhere else for me to go, and I think it made him feel guilty. So he started setting time aside for just the two of us. He’d take me into the mountains, and we’d spend the day hiking together.”
I can tell by the way she talks about her dad that she loves him deeply, something I noticed the night she shared more about herself. That night she sounded happy and excited to be talking about her family life, but today there’s a new undertone. Longing.
“How often do you talk to him?” I ask.
Her eyes snap to me and I see the pain flash through them before she quickly looks away, slipping out of my grasp. She doesn’t totally break the connection, taking my hand instead as she puts a bit of distance between us.
I don’t push when she doesn’t answer me right away, instead keeping quiet as we walk through the woods. Birds sing around us, and squirrels and chipmunks run along the forest floor or scurry up trees, rustling around for an acorn or two. The forest is a symphony of sounds, happier than the air that’s encompassed us.
“I don’t,” she finally whispers, emotion thick in her voice.
I swallow hard, giving myself time to collect the disbelief before it comes out in my words. That sinking feeling is back in my stomach, and I know I’m not going to like anything more I hear if I keep pressing for answers, but I want to know. “Your brothers?”
I feel the deep sigh she releases as much as I hear it. “I told you before. I don’t talk to anyone back home.”
My eyes close briefly and I blow out a breath. She did mention that when she was telling me about references she didn’t want to get for me. I never thought it included her family, but come to think of it, I’ve never seen her call home. Not that we’ve been together twenty-four-seven.
Christ. This woman is stronger than I ever gave her credit for, and I gave her a lot of credit. She’s been completely alone these last few months, running from a man she’s terrified of, with no one to turn to or confide in. That’s a lot of weight to be carrying around by herself.
“How long has it been since you talked to them?” I ask quietly, giving her hand a small squeeze. I want to ask her why, but I’m certain it’ll come out as accusatory. Still, the question remains: Why hasn’t she talked to them? I understand why she ran from her ex, but her family?
“Three days before I left,” she tells me wistfully. “It was Connor’s birthday, and we all went to my dad’s for dinner and birthday cake. They didn’t know it, but it was also my goodbye dinner.”
I stop dead in my tracks. When Savanna keeps going our hands break apart, causing her to turn around and look at me. I’m frowning at her, and now she’s frowning at me.
“They didn’t know you were leaving? They don’t know where you are now?” I ask, fighting to keep the critical tone out of my voice.
Wrapping her arms around herself, she looks down at the path we’ve been following. I’m not sure if she won’t meet my eyes because she’s ashamed, or because she doesn’t want me to see what she’s feeling.
Her head shakes. “My best friend knew. I called her before I got here and told her I went west, but I told her to tell my brothers I went east, so if they came looking for me, they’d go in the wrong direction. She also had letters for them and my dad.” Lifting her eyes, sadness fills the gray depths. “I couldn’t tell them I was leaving; they would have stopped me, or worse, they would have gone after Vincent.”
“Which they should have!” My voice is nearly a shout, and I cringe at myself, lowering it a couple notches when I add, “I want to go after him, Sav. If I ever meet him, he’s going to be sorry he ever laid a hand on you.”
“Which is exactly why I didn’t tell them!” she counters angrily, her hands coming to rest on her hips. “I don’t need anyone ending up in jail because of him! Including you. Especially you!”
Gritting my teeth, I stare at her for a long moment. If I feel this way after knowing Savanna for a week, I can only imagine how her father and brothers would feel if they knew what she’d been through. I’m guessing she never let anyone in on the fact he was abusing her, but I’d wager a guess they had a feeling something wasn’t right.
I realize in this moment I don’t know a lot about the situation either, something I need rectified. “Okay, but why not call them since you’ve been here? You’re out from under this guy, you’ve built a life here, why can’t you talk to them now?”
“Because I know him. I know if he knew where I was he would come after me, and I don’t want to put my family in that position. Guys like him don’t just stop because you move away. They don’t care if you call the police, or have a protective order.” She throws her hands up in frustration but then they fall limp to her sides.
Defeat and exhaustion. It’s all I see on her face.
“If they knew where I was, they could let it slip to the wrong person. If Vincent found out and he came here, they’d never forgive themselves.” Her voice drops to a whisper as she asks, “If Jordan was in a situation and you inadvertently got her hurt, would you ever forgive yourself?”
“No,” I say without hesitation. I already know I wouldn’t because it’s happened, and I haven’t forgiven myself. I never will.
Savanna steps towards me, placing both of her hands on my chest. My hands drop to rest on her hips, dragging her closer without consciously thinking about it.
“Exactly. I will not put my family in that position,” she says with conviction. “Part of me hates that you know as much as you do, because I feel like it opens you up to get hurt if he finds me.”
My hands tighten on her hips. “You can’t carry this burden alone, Savanna. I can handle myself, don’t worry about me.”
“I just don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me,” she says, pressing her face into my chest as her hands slide up around my neck.