Page 35 of These Family Ties
I pick at my nail beds with my hands in my lap. “Are you getting rid of me?”
It’s the only thing I can think of. Am I too much for him? Did I push him too far the other night?
“There’s some good news and bad news.” The doom in his tone causes me to pick harder. There’s a sting as I pull back the skin from my nail bed. I look down to see blood coating my nails. He notices it, too, because he grabs my hands, stopping me from ripping myself to shreds. “I’d never get rid of you. No one could ever take you away from me.”
I stop picking and release an anxious breath.
“I’ll start with the good news so you don’t make a bloody mess of yourself.”
“Okay,” I whisper, still unsure what to expect.
He takes a few turns and I’m left swaying with the sharp twists and turns in the road. My anxiety riddled brain settles enough to notice this isn’t the way home to the trailer park.
Daddy’s holding my hand, and it gives me strength to ask, “What’s the good news?”
“You’ll see.” That’s all he says, leaving me in my thoughts, which are calmer now with his touch.
It's not a long ride. Maybe thirty minutes, but the suspense is killing me. He finally parks and cuts the engine, we're in front of a two story townhouse. It’s cute and quiet, in a decent area of town where everyone hires people to mow their yards. He turns in his seat to look at me.
“This is the good news.” He motions to the houses around us before giving me a smile.
“Townhomes? Is this where you, Mom, and I are going to live now?” I ask, only a little excited about the new house but dreading the fact that Mom will be here with us.
“No Mer, just us,” he admits, grabbing my hands again.
That weight that was crushing my chest releases into fireworks and I jump across the console. Daddy grabs me in his arms, cradling me like he did the other night. “Keep jumping around like that, I'll have to reconsider Zair-Bear and call you my little rabbit.”
My cheeks feel tight with how big I’m smiling at him. “You left her! You left Mom!”
“I did.” He untangles himself from my arms and positions me in the passenger seat. Then, a serious air clouds his features. “That’s the part I need to talk to you about.”
“Okay.” Encouraging him to talk faster, I roll my hand in the air. “Spit it out already before you make me go back into another panic attack.”
Nothing bad could dampen my mood right now.
He clears his throat before starting. “I don’t want us to start this new chapter of our lives with lies. I want us to leave all the baggage at the door. It’s Mer.” There’s a small pause, but it’s one that makes me feel like the earth may fall apart beneath me. He finally says, “She’s not your mother.”
I didn’t think anything he could’ve said would’ve stunned me, but I was wrong. This is completely out of the blue. A sharp pain rips through my gut, and I’m torn. “You?” I peer at him, questioning. All the pain I’ve been through flashes through my mind, reliving all the torment I’ve endured over the years at the expense of someone I thought to be my mother. I felt for her, and took care of her even when she was shit to me. “You left me with someone who wasn’t even my mother?” If I thought I was panicking before, I was wrong, because my head spins as if the world is caving in on itself. “You. You. You lied to me.”
He lied to me. And Mer went along with it. She never corrected it. Why would she? If I’d known she wasn’t my mother, I would’ve left her. I don’t even think I would’ve cared for her or sympathized with her as much as I did. Her face appears in my mind, her lip curling in disgust and hatred burning in her eyes. She wasn’t upset because Dad left. She was upset because Dad left a burden for her to take care of.
“Swayze,” Dad calls, but it’s distant. It’s like he’s calling my name from the end of a tunnel, and I’m so far away.
Somehow, I find myself staggering down the road. The wind whips my hair across my face. The road looks like liquid oil in front of me, and I wish I could sink into it. I veer off into a patch of trees, ignoring the branches that grab my clothes. My thighs burn as if I’ve been running. Had I been running? I’m not sure where I’m going. I’m moving, and I can’t stop. I hit a patch of houses in a small suburban neighborhood and realize where my feet have taken me.
Cole’s house looks like a beacon in the dark with its flashing white lights. A party on a Sunday night? His parents must be out of town again. Rich kids and their freedom. I’d cringe at this spectacle, which reminds me of Not Another Teen Movie, if not for how perfect the timing is because I need this right now. I need to get out of my head.
The bass from whatever’s playing grows loud the closer I get. A few of the kids from school are laid out on the lawn, cat calling while grabbing at my ankles as I pass, but I ignore them.
I need to forget. I need to let go. Pain. I need the pain to pull me out of my head. Moving between bodies, I’m drawn to a person I can control in this world.
“What are you doing here?”
Cole.
I can’t see him. He’s like a blur in my vision as if my eyes can’t focus on him, and I only see the moving bodies behind him.
He breathes out a sigh before grabbing my biceps. “Come on.” He drags me down a hall of doors and pushes me through an open one. He closes the door behind me. “Did your boyfriend hurt you? That guy that dragged me out of your house the other night?”