Page 93 of Tiny Fractures
Steve gives him a look meant to kill. “Because I was fucking wasted, and Vada is beautiful, and that’s when I realized I may be in love with her.”
Vada swoons. “Is that really why?” she asks, her voice giddy and three octaves higher than usual. “Because that’s when you realized you loved me?”
The annoyance leaves Steve’s face, and he smiles at her. “Yep, but thanks for embarrassing me anyways.” He squeezes her side, and she squeals. “Payback time,” he says, and raises his voice. “Never have I ever thrown up on my teacher.”
Vada’s eyes go wide. “I can’t even believe you would go there,” she says before putting her red cup to her lips and taking a swallow while more laughter surrounds us.
“Shit, I remember that,” I laugh, and Vada gives me a warning look, but I’m not about to let her off the hook so easily. “That was right after you decided it would be a great idea to down a water bottle full of tequila because you wanted to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.” I recount the incident from just a couple of months ago, when Vada snuck some booze into school and chugged it all during lunch time, then threw up violently on our history teacher who was going around passing out graded tests.
“And then Megan threw up, too, because she couldn’t handle Vada throwing up. Do you remember?” Tori gasps, unable to catch her breath laughing.
“Oh my god,” Cat laughs, and I watch the tears streak down her face while she tries to compose herself. “Why didn’t I know about this? We were already hanging out.”
“I had known you for like two weeks. I wasn’t about to tell you something that freaking embarrassing,” Vada says, looking pissed while we laugh at her expense. It takes a moment for the laughter to die down and people to focus back on the game, but we keep going around.
Nobody drinks when Summer says she’s never been to California or when Zack boasts that he’s never been in a car accident. To my amusement, Cat ends up having to take two sips in a row when Tori says she’s never played hooky from school, and when Shane says he’s never stolen anything.
When Drew says he’s never been in love, Shane, Tori, Zack, Summer, Vada, and Steve immediately put their cups to their lips and drink.
Cat’s eyes find mine, and she hesitantly lifts her cup to her lips and takes a small sip, not breaking eye contact.
It’s scary as hell; I don’t know if I should be drinking or not. I’ve never felt the way I do with Cat, and I know I’m falling in love with her. It’s terrifying admitting it to myself, but it’s even scarier admitting it to someone else, especially when my life is such a shit show.
I finally bring my cup to my mouth and drink, though I’m unable to keep looking into Cat’s eyes as I do it because I know, deep down, that I should be stopping what’s happening between us. She’s too good for me. I’m too much of a fucked-up, worthless piece of shit who’s too damn selfish to cut her loose because it feels too good when I’m with her. And that fact makes me even more worthless and fucked up.
I swallow another shot of tequila to drown out my thoughts, then I wrap my arms around Cat and pull her toward me because I’m a selfish asshole who knows better but won’t do the right thing.
Cat
The evening is turning out to be as much fun as last night. Though it takes no time at all for people to get drunk, especially because after just a few minutes, the statements get targeted at individual people, like Vada’s “never have I ever” about crying after sex. We throw around things like never having had sex in a car—Ronan drank on that one, as well as the one about never having a one-night stand. And I end up having to drink when Shane says he never stole anything and when Zack says he’s never been on a cruise ship.
“I think I’m going to leave the game,” Ronan says, his left hand resting on my hip while he sets his red cup in the sand. Vada has had to refill his cup a couple of times, and he’s just taken three shots in a row when people said they had never done drugs, had never fallen asleep in class, and had never broken a bone.
I lean forward and turn around to face him. “Are you okay?” I whisper, my face close to his.
He nods. “I’m fine,” he says, and strokes his thumb across my cheek. I let my eyes shut under his small touch and feel him lean in to brush his lips softly against mine. “Just need to slow it down. I’m going to go cool off really quick,” he mutters.
I open my eyes as Ronan shifts behind me, then gets to his feet. He holds out his hand to me. “Care to join me?” he asks with a gleam in his eyes.
He still hasn’t put on his shirt, and even though it’s cooled down quite a bit since the sun set, I agree to go for a dip in the ocean with him.
I take Ronan’s hand and he walks me to my tent before changing into his board shorts in his own tent. He’s back, waiting outside my tent, only two minutes later.
“You’re fast,” I say to him through the paper-thin tent walls, and I can hear him chuckle.
“It’s a lot easier for me to change into shorts than it is for you to change into that little blue number you were wearing earlier,” he says, and for some odd reason I blush.
“Were you… You weren’t wearing boxers under your jeans, huh?” I ask, trying to sound blasé about the whole thing even though my heart speeds up in my chest.
“What makes you think that?” he asks, and there’s something in his voice that makes me think he’s flirting, but I can’t see his face, so I’m not totally sure.
“Well, usually I can see the waistband of your boxers over the top of your jeans, like, when your shirt rides up or… like when you weren’t wearing one last night…” I say, taking a deep breath. “But not today. Just your jeans… hugging your hips… and…” I trail off.
“And what?” His voice is low now.
I unzip the tent, ducking out of it before standing straight up only a foot away from Ronan. “And nothing,” I say breathily.
I blush violently when he puts his index finger under my chin and tips my head up to face him. “I don’t know how I feel about you noticing these things,” he admits, and there’s something in his eyes I can’t quite decipher. There is want, definitely, but there’s something sad in them, too, and I don’t know why.