Page 96 of Born for Silk
"When the time comes,” I grit my teeth together, “I will watch her leave.”
The energy thickens as he states, “You might want to figure out how to freeze time then, boy, and not waste it here with me and these House Girls.”
I laugh without mirth. “She softens me,” I admit with a growl, both hating it and… No. Just hating it. “I forget what I want and do what's best for her. It needs to stop. This is exactly why the old-world concept of marriage failed society. It was self-serving. Pathetic.” I am king. She is silly Common Silk Girl. “What I do, what she does, should be for the good of The Cradle and that is all.”
“You hate The Trade,” Kong reminds me.
“I do not hate The Cradle.” My words are hollow as I state, “I am its king. A piece. Remember? You taught me that.”
“I taught you to watch the player,” he corrects. “Not to give in to him. Understand him, that is all. But… when someone comes into your life.” His tone, though the deep timbre of a Xin De male, takes on a thoughtful, meaningful edge. “And you start to feel like an individual, like your motivations are not a collective thought but for your very soul, it's as though you just woke up. You might not have known this person for long, but you'd be a fool to go back to sleep. You know that. All of sudden, you take a backseat in your own life. Out of fucking nowhere, they become the main character in your story.”
I recite my vows, angry. Cold. Wanting the nothingness and boredom I have lived with to return, replace her. “To be a king is to suffer alone under the burden of decisions and the weight of necessary evils and truths.”
“This is love, Rome.”
“Love is for the Common.”
“Love is human!” he spits out. “Do you have any humanity left to see this?”
I will not love her only to have her leave!
With that unwelcome admission, I stand, finished. Need perspective away from her torturous sweetness. “We leave when I wake. We take the CR Guard to the Black Matter Tower in the first-light.”
“It’s a five-day journey.”
“I am aware.”
Kong stares at me. “You have never been to the Black Matter Tower. Why now? The mines are not safe for you, Sire. The water… it’s toxic.”
I stride away, calling over my shoulder, “Good thing I have very little human left then, isn’t it?” I sneer. “I will survive.” I halt and turn to face him. “And bring the House Girls for them to fuck. They all work hard on their Purpose mining and recycling matter for our batteries, Kong. I want to show them my gratitude. Nothing expresses thanks like warm, wet pussy.”
Chapter Nineteen
Aster
“Hello, Aster. You slept in.”
The night was warm, but something inside me felt cold and empty after he left. He seemed to enter my room as a storm, only to exit as a phantom, and leave me wondering which parts of our shadowed intimacy were real.
Paisley brightens the ornamental fire, bathing the room in orange light. “All the lords have left The Estate except for Lord and Warden Turin Two, but he won’t be available.” As she busies herself in my room, collecting the old flowers and ensuring my bathroom is stocked, she says, “He'll be rather occupied. Trade Master Cairo and Sire are both on campaigns, so we have this wing to ourselves. It’s always nice, I mean, I like it when we can relax, and each day we will have a different activity for you. Puzzles. Reading. Dancing. But today is a special day! You have been invited to the aviary.”
Still half-asleep, I sit up in bed and rub my dry eyes. “There's an aviary here?”
“Yes, in the queen's wing.” Her tone is happier than I have heard in days. I smile at that. “You can visit one at a time. Blossom is there now. We have hatchlings, and the mammas can get protective, so it is best to have a very small audience.”
“Wait.” My mind levels. “Did you say the king is away? I mean, Sire. I saw him las— day. I mean, I saw him last—yesterday.” I fumble on my lie. “In the courtyard.”
She stops at the foot of my bed, holding a bundle of used towels and a throw. “Yes, Aster. He has The Cradle to manage, after all. He is not often here. Only for your rite, when the Silk Girls ovulate, which has finished for the month, so you may not see him for a few weeks.”
Her matter-of-fact answer chips at my heart. “Oh.” I draw my knees up and hold them to my chest in case the tiny fragment falls through my flesh.
Tuscany’s words float back to me, along with a sadness I now share. ‘He is always going away. He leaves me here, and I miss him so.’
Nothing lasts forever.
She eyes me, uncaring or clueless, though I prefer the latter. “Are you ready to get up?”
“Is Ana awake?” I ask, accepting she might be the only person to understand my misguided and naïve emotions.