Page 74 of Deck of Scarlets
“I’m not.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
I slammed the closet door shut, the mirror rattling from the impact. “Excuse me for having a hard time believing anything that comes out of your mouth.”
Josh shrugged nonchalantly. “Fair enough, but I only lied once.”
I took a deep breath through my nose, taming the anger within. “If you care, then why haven’t you done anything to help?”
“This has never happened before. Nobody knows what to do. The Aces have been researching—”
“It’s still not good enough.” Fixing my curls, I applied one more coat of red lipstick and clasped a simple silver necklace around my neck.
Without warning, Josh grasped my arm until we faced each other. The sincerity he projected left a doubtful cloud hanging over my head. Josh’s eyes searched mine, a silent plea to understand the truth, but what was the truth anymore? Between my family and Josh, who could I even trust? Nickie was out of the question. I thought about talking to Jeremy, but how much could I say to him? When all I had now was serious doubt about him too.
“I’m sorry. I know my apology seems empty, but I am sorry for your friend.” Honesty reflected in his eyes, but he was right, his apology wasn’t enough to ease the anger I felt simmering under my skin.
I slipped my arm out of his hold. “I’m ready.”
He flexed his empty hand and nodded, leading the way without another word.
Our walk to the church was quiet, other than the other students on campus walking past us, laughing or chatting excitedly about the party at one of the junior dorm rooms tonight. For the first time, I envied how simple their life was. To only worry about what outfit I wanted to wear and how drunk I wanted to get rather than officiating and sealing the deal with my future that involved demons and possible death.
Funny, the one thing I fought against was something I craved the most.
How fucking ironic.
Instead of going through the front doors, Josh had us enter through one of the side exits, a faint light illuminating the small hallway just before the main room. The chapel, or what everyone else liked to call it, the nave, was blasted with cool air from the AC, leaving an unrelenting chill on my body. I shivered, not used to the arctic air compared to my dorm room, which felt muggy most days.
We walked silently the entire way to the bottom floor, which was probably for the best. I could hear chatter just outside the double doors to the dining hall, my nerves twisting deep in my stomach, swallowing back overproduced saliva. The doors opened independently, Josh strolling ahead, utterly at ease, while I spiraled internally.
All the Aces stood on the dais, talking to Father Benedict and Collin. None of them paid attention to me or the other Scarlets and Saints.
Josh left me to fend for myself, and thankfully, I spotted the refreshment table, beelining it toward the punch bowl and pouring myself a cup, surprised to not find any wine bottles displayed; they wanted their members sober tonight. Then again, Josh probably took it upon himself to have any trace of alcohol removed from the room.
I quickly walked around, debating on a finger sandwich stuffed with meat and lettuce.
Chloe also wore a simple black dress, only she’d added a ruby necklace and bracelet to her ensemble. Her usual dark, tight curls hung loose around her shoulders; her wide brown eyes dazzled with sharp, winged eyeliner.
“Are you ready for tonight?” she asked.
My nerves zigzagged inside my stomach. “Is it anything like the Blessing?”
Chloe’s face softened. “No, but all eyes will be on you… again.” She then surprised me by pulling out a tiny flask between her cleavage. “He will kill me if I give you some, and I would be a shitty person in allowing you to partake in my alcoholic stupor, but, girl, you’re shaking.”
Taking my cup without my consent, she poured a decent amount of golden brown liquid almost to the brim. “Cheers.”
She left me with the overflowing cup, my eyes watching some of the liquid dripping down the side, onto my hands. It would be so easy to dive back into old, bad habits, to let the alcohol calm my never-ending episodes of intense panic attacks.
Before I moved or even had the chance to decide, Josh grabbed my elbow and then the cup, tossing the whole drink in the trash. “She’s already drunk, so I’ll yell at her later for her stupidity.”
“I don’t think I can do this,” I confessed.
His lips barely an inch from my ear, he encouraged, “The hardest part of the ceremony is choosing your dagger. Do not choose because of its look; choose because your heart calls to it.”
“What if nothing sings to me?” I asked worriedly. Would they cast me out if a dagger didn’t call to me? My biggest fear wasn’t receiving a weapon but facing gruesome demons on the streets of New York City.
“You’ll know.” He stepped back and offered me his arm. Taking it for support, I let him guide us to the second row of seats. All the Aces occupied the first row, dressed in their standard white robes.