Page 42 of A Constant Love
“I think you’re right. And I think I should do it now…while I’m in Armstrong. And please don’t be mad at this next part…but I think I should do it alone.”
He tried to hide the disappointment that flashed over his face, but I still saw it.
“Ty, I’m not trying to keep you out of my life. I’m trying to get some closure from my past, so I can enjoy my future…with you.”
That made him smile. “Okay, Kansas. You go do what you need to do. I’ll be here waiting when you get back. Just be careful, and if you need me, call.”
Half an hour later, we were both showered and dressed for the day. I still had no clothing with me, so I opted for a pair of cutoff jean shorts that were still in my drawer and a small black t-shirt. I let my hair down out of the braid it had been in for a couple of days, so long waves hung down my back.
I set Tyler up with the TV if he needed something to do. I knew Armstrong wasn’t exactly his idea of a good time. There wasn’t a whole hell of a lot entertainment. I offered him directions into town if he wanted them, but he assured me he would probably just hang at the house and relax.
I still couldn’t get over how he was so wonderful. The universe must have really known what it was doing when it led me into his arms. In the sea of uncertainty that had become my life as of late, he was my only constant. He helped keep me grounded when the storms from my past threatened to carry me away. He was my heaven when the rest of the world threatened to become my Hell.
Ten minutes later, I was walking toward one of the barns toward the back of our large property. My dad sat on a stool in the corner, with his arms crossed as if deep in thought.
“Are you out here slacking off?” I called to him.
He grinned and chuckled. “Something like that. I’m surprised you’re still here. Figured you’d have big plans to get back to this week.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t have any tutoring appointments today, and it’s not going to kill me to miss a couple of classes. I needed to take care of a few things before heading back.”
“Like what, Sammie?”
I leaned up against the wall next to him while staring at my hands and picking at my fingernails. “Like how I feel like I owe you one hell of an apology.”
“Girl, what the hell for?”
“Because I just left. I left you alone with Luke and Jessie and no help. I got wrapped up in my own problems and became so desperate to get away that I didn’t think about how it would affect you.”
He put his hand on my shoulder, “Sammie, I don’t know if you know this, but I’m those boys’ father. It was kind of my job to take care of them. I always appreciated your help with them, but I was under no delusion that you’d stick around forever. Even before all of the awfulness, you were meant to leave this tiny town. You were born to fly, Sammie. And you did. You spread your wings and got the hell out of here, and I couldn’t be prouder.”
I forced a weak smile, “Daddy, if you could see how I’ve been living the past few years, I don’t know how proud you’d be. That night, something inside of me broke. And for years, I didn’t even care to fix it. I just wanted to hide from the world.
“In Mama’s letter, she talks all about how fierce and unstoppable I was, but I lost that girl. I feel like she’d be so disappointed to see what I became.”
“Now, you stop that right now. If your mama was here, she’d look at you with her hand on her hip and say ‘Samantha Lynn, I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth ever again.’”
I laughed as I could hear my mom’s voice ringing in my ears at his words.
He continued, “Sammie, your mama was no stranger to hiding from the world. Unfortunately, with her illness, the world just became too much for her. But not for you. Yeah, you changed. Who the hell wouldn’t? But you know what?”
“What?”
“I still see my firecracker of a little girl deep down in there. And she’s starting to come out more and more. Your mama would be damn proud to see you still living your life. You get up every day and face the world knowing that man is still out there. If that doesn’t take true courage, I don’t know what does.”
I yearned to tell my dad about James being in the FBI, but as I looked around and saw some of his workers around, I couldn’t chance it. I wouldn’t risk my family’s safety on whether or not James was paying any of these people for information.
My father must have seen my wheels turning because he said, “Honey, I get that you are trying to make amends, but you never have to make them with me…especially for getting the hell out of this town.”
I shrugged. “I still feel bad for leaving you alone with Jessie and Luke. These teenage years couldn’t have been easy.”
His laugh boomed through the barn. “Sammie, the boys were never my problem children. They never got in as much trouble as you did! Now, if your mama left me alone to raise you through all your years of hellraising, then we might have a problem.”
“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
“Darling, you remember yesterday when you punched that girl?”
“Yeah, Dad. It happened yesterday.”