Page 48 of For What It's Worth

We were both breathing heavy, but when Jen tried sitting up, I gripped his shoulder hard, trying to hold him still. And that was when I become aware of our position. The open door, the fact that we were in a dorm room, all of it hit me like a wave and dragged me under with the current.

“Koda, are you okay?”

I wanted to answer, but I didn’t move, didn’t speak, afraid it would somehow move my cervix.

“Shit, did I hurt you? Don’t be scared, little bear. My knot will go down soon.”

I had to fight the instinct to crawl away from Jen, to hide myself in the makeshift nest, because I knew that path only led to pain. More than the pain from laying on several lumpy pillows. But I didn’t like how out in the open we were.

Knox had the key to my dorm in case of an emergency, and the nest wasn’t closed, which meant our scents were leaking out. Not to mention we weren’t safe.

Those three words rolled around in my thoughts. We aren’t safe. We aren’t safe. We aren’t safe.

“Koda. Focus on me, little bear. Eyes on me.”

I could hear Jen’s voice, but it didn’t pass the cloud of panic in my head. A sharp tug on my cervix caused me to yelp, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“That’s it, little bear, I want you to look at me. You’re safe. We’re safe. But I’m going to pick you up and move us farther into your nest, okay?”

I nodded, unable to get the words out. My throat was already in pain as tears started forming, and I fought them back. Heat rose in my constricting throat like I was suffocating from the inside out.

Every movement of Jen’s was painful, and I did my best to cling to his body. He was barely undressed, his pants acting as a cage for his legs, restricting his ability to stand up without attempting to dislodge me, making the whole scenario even harder.

I kept my head tucked into his neck, trying to breathe through the pain by inhaling his scent. His scent was tinged with worry, distracting from the usual calming smell of freshly cleaned laundry.

Eventually, after what felt like hours, we were covered in only the dim orange light from the closet, and Jen was on his knees, sitting back against his ankles, still holding me. Whatever instinct inside me that demanded a safe nest was more appeased by the shut door.

“Here, lean back slightly, Koda.” Jen’s tone held no room for argument, every word from him now like the professor he was in the classroom.

I moved slowly, not knowing until too late which positions would hurt.

Jen took his shirt off, not trying try for his pants, and I didn’t offer. He motioned for me to lay back against his chest again. The skin-to-skin contact was like a soothing balm over my worries. I took deep breathes, resting my forehead at the base of his neck, calmly stroking the light smattering of hair on his chest as Jen’s hands ran all over my body, continuing to soothe me.

When I finally fell asleep, Jen’s knot was still firmly stuck inside me. He was massaging my scalp, his purr going strong.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I woke up to a beautiful voice that refused to stop talking despite me covering the sound with my hand. Chuckles vibrated my hand, and I finally managed to lift my head, opening one eye.

Jen was still laying down in my dorm room closet, his shirt off as I laid on top of him, but the happiness I thought I’d see after he finally claimed me—sexually— wasn’t there.

Instinctively, I scented my surroundings, wanting to ensure we were still safe and alone. I was slammed with the scent of grief and anger coming from Jen, overshadowing the joy and possessiveness I could just barely detect. And probably only because we were so close.

“Jen? Are you … mad that I fell asleep?” It was the only thing I could think of as to why he would be upset. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to stay here, but he had to because he literally fucked me into exhaustion.

I sat up, noticing his knot had finally receded. Despite falling sleep, our mixed cum still spilled out of me. The realization had me blushing, wanting a blanket to wipe up the mess. Before I could reach for anything, Jen grabbed both my hands, holding them against his chest.

“No, little bear, I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated with myself for not having more control.”

The sadness coming from Jen had me looking away, not wanting him to see the tears forming and falling without my permission. “You regret having sex with me?” I didn’t know why I asked. I didn’t want the answer, but I also couldn’t stop the words from coming out.

“What? No. Of course not.” Jen sat up, trying to meet my eyes, but I kept them casted downward, as if I couldn’t see him, he couldn’t hurt my feelings more. “I’m really making a mess out of this, huh? Look at me, Koda. Please, little bear? Let me see your gorgeous eyes.”

After a few breaths, I managed to get the tears to stop. I looked at Jen. I knew he could see the red eyes and dried tear stains on my cheeks, but he gracefully ignored them. “Koda, as your alpha, it’s my job to keep you safe. Keep you happy. I felt how much you disliked this nest, but I still fucked you. And then when I knotted you, you didn’t feel safe, and it was like I was being gutted. I did that to you. I made you vulnerable. You panicked and cried all because I couldn’t tell you no.”

“No, Jen, no.” Now it was my turn to comfort my alpha. I was low-key excited about the prospect, even if I hated that he was upset. Apparently, all I needed was reassurance my alpha enjoyed himself and my emotions realigned properly. “Sure, I freaked out a little in the end but … well, I don’t care. I’m all good now. Better than good actually.”

“It was your first time and I ruined it.”