Page 29 of For All My Effort

“Why do you feel so guilty about that?”

“Because. I mean, look at this place. There has to be something I can do. I can’t imagine I just waited around for everyone to get home.”

“Of course not. Usually you did your classes—”

I gasped, the sound seeming to startle Han who sat up straight. “I totally forgot I was taking classes. I got so distracted with everything. Can you show me how to access them?”

“Hannah, you’re supposed to be taking it easy. Sebastian has already been in contact with your professors about giving you more time.”

“Time for what?”

I realized in the silence what he meant. Not just time to heal physically, but time for my memories to come back. My mates were waiting for their version of Hannah to return. Despite the doctors saying that it was potentially impossible, they still wanted her back. It was weird to think of myself almost like ‘the other woman’.

It felt like a betrayal. Like every time they told me it was fine that I didn’t remember, every time they said they would still love this new version, was a lie. My heart felt heavy in my chest, aching with a dull pain.

Sitting on top of the counter suddenly felt too vulnerable. I hopped down, ignoring the jarring pain in the back of my head from my heavy landing.

“No, wait, Hannah.”

I stopped, despite the burn starting behind my eyes that I didn’t want him to see, because I wanted him to make it better. I wanted his words to fix the problem.

He didn’t turn me around or move to stand in front of me. Staying behind me, I could feel the heat from his body, could smell his pumpkin scent becoming distressed. My own instincts wanted me to comfort him, so I did, unable to fight it. I turned around wrapping my arms around him and trying to get myself to purr.

It stuttered before finally committing.

“I’m sorry, Hannah,” he said. I knew he meant it, could smell his guilt and regret getting stronger with each of my own sniffles as I tried to stop myself from crying. He didn’t offer any other words or explanations. “I’ll teach you how to log in, okay? It’s your decision if you want to continue classes or not.”

“Okay. I’d like that.”

For the first time since I woke up in the hospital, it was awkward with one of my mates. Together, the silence was almost painful as I followed him up the stairs to the second floor. He led me to his office, the majority of the room taken up by his desk with multiple screens and thick hardware underneath. In the back corner was a giant round one-seater couch with a sleek silver laptop beside it. My lavender scent was all over the wool upholstery.

“Here.” Han handed me another blanket, not a sarape, but not something so soft that it would stick to my sweat.

I folded my legs underneath myself as I sat down, draping the fabric over my lap. Han’s computer screens were easily visible from where I was sitting, although I had no idea what to make of most of it. One just had a website for some sort of energy company. Another was all black with typed words I’d swear weren’t actually readable. Next to that was a weird screen that had the company logo in the corner and was magically typing by itself.

The alpha crouched next to me, showing how he logs into the little computer and then how to get to the college website. “These are the two classes you’re taking right now.”

I nodded, my excitement struggling to grab a foothold against the sadness still coursing through my body. I didn’t want my other emotions tainting what was a first time for me, so I did my best to grab onto the happy feelings and ignore the negative ones, pretending, at least temporarily, that all was fine.

In all honesty, I was struggling.

“Hannah?”

I looked up at the sound of my name, the word seeming loud since I’d been so focused on myself.

“I just wanted to say, that what happened downstairs was a misunderstanding.”

Just like that, the sadness in my system disappeared to anger. “Oh, yeah? How so?”

Despite the tone in my words, Han smiled. “I know you, Hannah. We all do. You’re the only one that’s forgotten. You’re still a rebel, determined to fight for omega’s rights. Still love the idea of changing your hair and I know you absolutely hate that missing piece from your surgery. You have zero artistic skill despite how much you want to. You’ve forgotten the little things, but you’re still the same.”

“But what if I’m not?”

“You are.”

“But what if?”

“Then we get to fall in love with you all over again. Is that such a bad thing?”