Page 72 of Endless Obsession
Nate: How many guys have you gotten on your knees for by now, anyway? Huh?
Nate: I’m fucking lucky I didn’t marry you, bitch. And I’m going to figure out how to get my apartment back. My name is on it, too, you stupid cunt. You can’t stay there much longer. Better hope I don’t find you bouncing on some other guy’s dick when I get back.
My face burns, and it takes everything in me not to respond. I haven’t been with anyone else, not actually—what Ivan and I did in his car is the furthest I’ve gone other than that night at Masquerade, in reality. That, and my nighttime chatting sessions with Venom is the extent of it. I haven’t fucked anyone since Nate left. No one else has actually been in my bed. And reading the messages, thinking that this was a man who once upon a time told me that he loved me, who I was planning on marrying, makes me feel sick.
“You’re better off knowing,” Jaz says at brunch, when I show her and Zoe and Sarah the messages. “At least now you know who he really is, there’s no chance of you going back to him.”
“That’s true. But it’s hard seeing someone’s true colors like that,” Sarah says, pushing a bite of her waffle around her plate. I know she’s thinking of Colin, who she told us called her all kinds of names in their last argument. “It’s tough matching that up with the person you used to know.”
“It makes me wonder if it’s even worth trying again.” I drop my phone next to my plate, my half-eaten croque madame sandwich staring up at me. “If someone can be normal for five years and then go insane like this—not to mention the cheating—how can I ever trust anyone? Maybe I shouldn’t bother.”
“This is about Ivan, isn’t it?” Zoe asks, and Jaz nods. She knows about my date today; I told her earlier.
“I’m going out with him after brunch.” I poke at the egg on top of my sandwich, watching the yolk run over the bread. “But maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe this is all pointless.”
“No,” Jaz says firmly. “Even if it all goes wrong with Ivan in the end, trying is the point. If you just close yourself off, then Nate wins. If he gets in your head that much, then he will have gotten what he really wants. You’ve got to shake it off and do what you want. And if it hurts in the end, it hurts. You get back on the horse.”
I cross my eyes at her playfully. “You don’t even know how to ride a horse.”
“Wrong,” Jaz says confidently. “I was quite the equestrian when I was a kid. Quit when I left for college.” There’s a momentary flicker of nostalgia on her face, and I look at her, surprised. I hadn’t thought there was anything about Jaz that I didn’t know.
“A girl has to have some secrets,” she says, seeing the look on her face. “A little mystery is good for all relationships, not just romantic ones.” She winks, filling up her mimosa glass. “Now, let’s get you good and drunk before you go hiking. Maybe Ivan will fuck you up against a tree.”
“Oh my god!” I gasp, just as Sarah and Zoe erupt in tipsy giggles.
I am a little buzzed when Ivan comes to pick me up. The girls can see him from the table we were sitting at, and I can see them leaning, getting a good look at him as he ushers me bemusedly to the car, opening the door for me before walking to the other side. He drove the Mustang again, and I feel a rush of heat, remembering what happened last time.
“Are you sure you’re okay to go hiking?” he asks, a slight smirk at the corners of his lips, and I groan.
“I’m fine,” I assure him, as he hands me a bottle of water. “A little tipsy, but I’ll sober up by the time we get there.”
“Okay, then.” He doesn’t entirely sound like he believes me, but he pulls out onto the road, and I start to gulp down the water, intent on proving him wrong by the time we get to the trail.
I do feel sober by the time we get there, and thankfully Ivan stuck to his promise, and picked one of the easy trails. It’s not so much a hike as a walking path fringed thickly with colorful trees, and I let out a relieved sigh as he opens my door for me, and I slide out of the car.
“Those leggings are distracting,” he murmurs, looking down at my tight dark grey leggings, covered by a long teal tunic sweater and paired with grey sneakers. “I’m going to walk behind you the whole way.”
“No you don’t,” I tease him, grabbing his hand, and I feel him tense briefly, as if he hadn’t expected me to. But he relaxes so quickly that I almost think I imagined it, and a moment later we head down the trail hand in hand, the air perfectly chilly, the leaves vibrant all around us.
“I could get used to this,” he says softly, his fingers rubbing against my hand, and I look at him with surprise.
“Walking?”
“No.” He rolls his eyes teasingly. “Spending time with you. Time like this, where things are quiet and relaxing, and I don’t feel like I have to think about anything else.” His thumb passes over my knuckles again. “You told me that you think you’re boring, Charlotte, but you—” He breaks off abruptly, looking away, and I have the sense that he was about to say something that he thought was too much. Something too emotional for what we are to each other right now.
“What?” I press, before I can stop myself. Something tells me that he was right to pump the brakes on whatever he was about to say, but now I want to know. I feel like I need to know. “You can tell me.”
He stops, turning towards me, looking down at me with those dark blue eyes that draw me in. “You’ll run if I do,” he murmurs, and I feel a shiver run down my spine that has nothing to do with the cold.
“Would you chase me?” I whisper, the words coming out more husky than teasing, and I see his eyes darken, his muscled frame looming over me as he reaches out, brushing his fingers over my cheekbone.
“Anywhere,” he murmurs, and what was sexual a moment ago suddenly seems terrifyingly romantic, my stomach knotting with apprehension. I want this, and I don’t, all at the same time—and I don’t know what to do with that.
“What were you going to say?” My voice sticks in my throat, and Ivan looks down at me with an expression I’ve never seen before.
“You’re not boring, Charlotte,” he murmurs, his fingers grazing my cheekbone again. “You feel like home.”
His hand slides into my hair, tugging me up as his mouth comes crashing down onto mine, heedless of the still-healing cuts on his lips. I think I taste a hint of iron as he kisses me, giving the kiss a dangerous edge, my adrenaline spiking as my tongue slides against his. I feel him backing me up, his hands on my waist, and I burst into sudden laughter as my back hits a tree and I remember what Jaz said.