Page 52 of Lily, Unwritten
I held my breath and clicked the button; my whole body tensed up. A sharp sensation shot into my stomach, but then it was done. No going back now.
“Perfect,” Natalie smiled. “You will likely get bruising, try and vary the site a little each day. There’s a phone number for the nurses here, in with your instructions, just call us if any problems.”
Cassie held my hand as we left; I knew it was excitement, it was something she’d always done. I could see Natalie watching through the window, she totally thought we were a couple.
As the number of injections in our packs began to dwindle, more vials of blood were checked and ultrasounds were taken – transvaginally, not a term I was fond of! But… it was for Cassie; it was worth it. It had been an interesting time at the mini mansion as the two of us were hormonal as hell. The consumption of chocolate and chick flicks was through the roof. Guy had been going out a lot, I suspected with Luke but I didn’t ask.
Weirdly, Cassie and I had different symptoms. She felt all bloaty and fat from the drugs, whereas I thought I was losing weight because I was so nauseous; I couldn’t eat half the time. Cassie’s boobs had also grown huge overnight. I was envious that mine hadn’t followed suit, although she did say they were so sore she couldn’t lie on her stomach anymore.
I found myself on a procedure bed being injected with sedatives, which spread a warm and cosy sensation meandering around my body. I almost forgot that my legs were strapped into stirrups. I looked at the beautiful photographs on the wall of pregnant bellies and before I knew it, tears slid down my face once more, following of the tracks of the deluge that had fallen from me in the past weeks. I’d never get to have Zack’s baby, never feel his hand holding mine at a scan, never shout abuse at him while I was in labour. I missed him so much every cell of my body ached with it.
“Lily, are you OK? It’s Natalie here,” I was in a different room, and she was wrapping a warm blanket around me. “Don’t worry if you feel confused, it’s the sedation wearing off. The procedure is all done, everything is fine. I’m just going to check your vitals, and then you can go back to sleep.”
I nodded and smiled drowsily at her. I felt, sort of, tipsy and disorientated. Sleep sounded amazing. “You got all the eggs?”
“Yes, it all went to plan. I’ll ring your partner now and tell her.”
I giggled at the incorrect assumption, which just struck me as hilarious. How shocked she’d be to know I’d spent so much time between two amazing, gorgeous men. Dreamy men… I wanted to dream about them right now.
A few short hours later, I was curled up on Cassie’s couch with a hot water bottle and a massive bar of chocolate. Cassie and Guy were due at the clinic later in the week for the next stage of the process. She stroked my hair as she began to speak. Natalie really would think we were in love if she saw this! I did love Cassie though, she’d been there for me always, and nothing made me happier than doing this for her. It was, in fact, the only thing that made me happy at the moment.
“You need me to get you anything?”
“I’m fine, honest. It’s just stomach cramps. A bath and an early night will sort me out,” I replied, trying to reassure her.
“It’s not that far off twenty years we’ve been besties now, you know? I never would’ve guessed we’d go through this,” said Cassie.
“Me neither. You know, though, I think the timing is just right. I needed a distraction and what a distraction this is. But I’ve been thinking… I can’t stay here.”
“There’s no rush to leave. Wait until you’ve got a job and then find a flat nearby. I don’t care if that’s in two weeks or two years.”
“I mean this town, this area. I don’t want to be near to either of them. The thought of bumping into either of them makes me feel sick, in all honesty.” I sighed deeply, knowing she wouldn’t be a fan of this decision. “I need a fresh start, somewhere far away. I can’t think straight here.”
“But you can’t go somewhere you don’t know, all on your own,” Cassie spluttered. “You won’t have any friends, I’d miss you too much. Plus, we’re having a baby!”
I laughed and immediately winced as a stab of pain shot through my pelvis. “Don’t make me laugh! We’re not having a baby. You and Guy might be having a baby. Plus, I am capable of making friends, thank you.” I stuck my tongue out at her before helping myself to more chocolate.
“But I don’t want you to have other friends,” Cassie pulled a face as though she were about to burst into tears.
“You are such a drama queen. You’ll always be my bestie. It won’t be that different to when I was in Cheshire. We’ll still talk and message all the time. It’s just a vague plan at the moment anyway.” I rested my head back on the cushioned couch.
Cassie scooted closer and slid her arms around my belly. “I’m going to lock you in the house so you can’t ever leave. But before that, I’ll run you a bubble bath, beautiful donator of the eggs.”
Eighteen
I knew Cassie wouldn’t necessarily get pregnant on the first try but they had plenty of eggs ‘on ice’, and I was confident it would happen for her sooner rather than later; I had a feeling. The clinic was happy with how it had all gone so far. That was my part over; it was Cassie who had all the hard work ahead of her. Guy joked about the strain of producing ‘samples’, but we generally rolled our eyes and ignored him. Cassie was the most impatient person I’d ever met; I didn’t envy Guy putting up with her for the next few months. The poor man probably also wasn’t going to see much action as she’d already made it crystal clear she was saving her vagina for the scientists. His sample production might have to sustain him.
As for my own situation…
I lived in my friend’s garden.
Said best friend would soon be pregnant, all being well.
I was heartbroken over two exes - both of whom lived too close for comfort.
I had no job.
I needed a fresh start; that much was obvious. The thought of starting afresh petrified me. But the thought of my life remaining at a standstill was worse.