Page 16 of Hurts So Good
“You don’t have to say it like that, jeez.”
“Oh yes, I do. We’ve been friends for years and I’ve never seen you date anyone. It’s about time you started having sex. I was beginning to think you never would.”
“I’m not a virgin, Lena,” I scoff.
“Really?” She hums. “I would’ve never guessed.”
Truth is, I thought Ty would be my first, but that was before the incident with our foster father. I’ve been too afraid to lie with anyone else since.
Obviously, my libido isn’t dead; whenever I feel a need for release, I imagine Ty or my stalker going down on me or fucking me roughly. But I’ve never told anyone about them. My fantasies are my own. I keep them as hidden as my past.
My therapist has mentioned that being intimate with others would be hard for me due to the actions of Mr. Rylee, but I’m glad I can experience a sense of normalcy with each orgasm I bring myself to, even if it’s by imagining a masked guy cornering me in an alley to have his way with me.
Other than the fantasies, stalker guy, and Kieran, I get skittish whenever men get too close. With Kieran, it’s understandable; I’ve had time to get used to him in a platonic way.
With my stalker, it’s less so. I barely know him. And he’s only touched me once, but that one time he did, I wasn’t afraid. I was turned on. I wanted him to kiss me and make me his. I know from experience I won’t feel that way about anyone else. The only person I’d consider being with is him or Ty.
But thinking Ty is stalker guy is pushing it, I know. I’ve tried to find him through the years online and in newspapers, but to no avail. He’s a ghost.
I miss him. Ty always made me feel safe. I didn’t know it then, but now I know everything he did, he did to protect me from Mr. Rylee. Even at the expense of Sierra. She was thrown in to protect me more than once. I’m sure she blames me for her abuse in a way, wherever she is. If another girl had been taken into their care instead of me, Mr. Rylee would have swapped his attention to the new girl rather than continuing to molest Sierra for as long as he did.
After Mr. Rylee’s death, I discovered how many little girls he molested. I was lucky because of Ty. To this day, I still don’t know what he did to convince the other girls to take Mr. Rylee’s attention away from me, but I’m thankful for it. My internal damage would be far worse if he hadn’t.
“I’ll have Donnie contact Tomas and get back with you,” Lena says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Okay. Thanks.” I hang up and stare down at my food.
Is it really worth trying to meet the fighter? Feeling deflated, I wonder if I should just let it all go and move on with my life. It would be easier, but when has anything ever been easy for me?
CHAPTER TEN
Ty
Sitting on the curb, I peer up at Lakelynn’s darkened apartment. She spent her day inside. I got tired of staring at the tablet, so I came here. Her lights have been off for an hour, but I’m not ready to leave yet. The streetlights cast shadows against the night sky above. Sirens wail, and music from car radios bump in the distance, but it’s relatively quiet where I am.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. It disturbs the peacefulness I was enjoying.
Clenching my jaw, I pull it out and answer. “Yeah?”
“Someone wants to meet with you,” Tomas says.
“Not interested.”
“It’s a woman,” his tone is far too playful for my mood.
“I’ve got a woman. Don’t need another.”
“You do?” He chuckles. “She seen your face?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes, dickhead. Are we done?”
Tomas isn’t a chatty fucker. It’s one of the reasons I like him. But he’s currently pushing his luck.
“I’m just surprised. I didn’t think you’d let anyone see your face with how distorted you said it was,” Tomas says. “I’ll let them know you’re getting laid elsewhere.”
I only tell people I’m disfigured so they’ll leave me alone about the mask. Truth is, I don’t have a mark on me.
“Who’s them?” I inquire.