Page 38 of Drunk In Love
My father smiles at the mentions of Kamaya. “Oh that Kamaya is a sweetheart. If you wouldn’t let my and your mother’s dysfunction scare you away from relationships, she’d be perfect for you.”
I almost spit out my drink. “What? You’ve never said this before. You know Kamaya and I are just friends.”
“Mm-hmm, that’s what you say, Maxy. I don’t believe you,” he responds.
I shake my head at my father’s unexpected honesty. “I think you’ve been knocked around too many times on that tour bus, old man. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Dad and I share a laugh. Teasing is how we’ve always related to each other. “I know what I saw the last time I was here and the three of us had dinner together. I could tell even then that you’re interested in Kamaya. Beyond friendship.”
Wow. Was it obvious to everyone but me how I felt towards my best friend?
“I don’t hear you denying it,” he says.
I couldn’t deny how I felt, though I desperately wanted to. I wanted to run away from my feelings, not face them head-on.
I sigh before continuing. I wasn’t at all ready to face how I felt, but the time was approaching when I really didn’t have another choice. “Okay, fine. Let’s say you’re right. What should I do about it?”
“Maxy, you’re a grown man and ultimately it’s your decision what happens next. You have to live with the consequences of whatever you, or you along with Kamaya, decide.”
“So what exactly?—”
“Let me finish,” Dad says, taking another sip of the old-fashioned. “All I will say now is you don’t want to end up like me, at an age where you think back on your life and have more regrets than accomplishments you’re proud of. I wish I could have been a better dad and husband. You’re young enough to make significant changes to your life.”
He was right. If not now, when would be the right time for Kam and I? How I was going to compete with Zach, I didn’t know. I needed to make my feelings known. It was the timing that couldn’t be worse.
“I hate to say it, but you’re right,” I say, nudging his elbow that’s resting on the bar top. “I ran into Faith a few moments before you arrived. Seeing her made me remember all of the bad that comes with relationships. I would not want to go through that with Kamaya.”
Dad shrugs, finishing his glass. “Ultimately, decide if you’re going to keep living in fear so that you end up like your mom and me, or try something new and see where it takes you,” he says, reaching into his back pocket and placing cash in between us.
We both turn at the sound of the equipment being moved on the stage. “I’ll be up soon,” he says, glancing at his watch. “Think about what I said, Maxy.”
“I will,” I say. “I’ll be here to listen to your set.”
My dad smiles like I’ve just told him the best news. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye,” he says, reaching down, grabbing his saxophone case, and heading towards the bar’s backstage area.
For the next hour, Smokey’s fills in quickly with many people looking to have a good time and blow off steam from the long work week. I’m enjoying my dad and his bandmates’ sound. Many of the songs selected were favorites from when I was younger, but I kept thinking of my father’s words on a loop. Did I want to risk my friendship with Kamaya by admitting my feelings? What if they weren’t reciprocated? Maybe she was having the time of her life with Zach right this instant, and I was foolishly nursing my blues with whisky like some sad character from an old movie. “My Woman Dun’ Left Me” was one of the songs performed tonight.
A little too on the nose, Dad, I thought.
As they finish their last song of the evening, I glance at my phone and realize it will probably be another hour before I get back to Jersey City from Harlem. Would Kamaya have returned home from her date with Zach? I wasn’t sure how much time to give them or when she’d come home. From the overheard conversations, I knew the date was in the city tonight, but I had no idea where.
I’d made my decision. Even if I had to look like some lovesick fool, I couldn’t wait to speak to Kam.
Dad was right. I didn’t want to reach his age and live with regrets. What sucked was the timing of all this. Better late than never, I guess.
The sound of applause snaps me out of my wild thoughts, and I quickly move towards the backstage area to say bye to Dad.
There’s already a crowd gathering in the narrow space. Cigarette smoke, colognes, and the scent of dark liquor tickle my olfactory senses. A flurry of activity is going on as people, mainly women, as was custom for my dad and his band, gathered round to meet the band.
“Maxy! What did you think of the set?”
“It was amazing, Dad. As always,” I answer honestly. “I’m gonna head out. Going to Kamaya’s place.”
He nods, getting a twinkle in his eye. “For once, my advice doesn’t fall on deaf ears. Good to see you, Son, and good luck.”
I return his side hug and make my way out of Smokey’s. A night to see my dad and forget my problems turned out to be a night where I ran into Faith and got an unexpected life lesson from my dad.
I just hoped I was making the right decision.