Page 109 of Ice Cold Hearts
If I were Ian, I’d burst into Liza’s office with righteous fury, slam the paperwork down, and tear her a new one. His temper can sometimes get the better of him, but in the service of people he loves, he is a true force to be reckoned with. If he had signed with Liza instead of Frank, she probably wouldn’t have dared to manipulate him the way she’s done to me.
If I were Alexei, I’d sweep into the office, march right past the receptionist, and plant myself in her office no matter who was already there. I would be able to handle things with cool detachment and brutal efficiency. Yes, he’s frigid and reserved with people outside of his family, but it’s earned him respect. Liza would never have even considered trying to pull this shit with him.
Unfortunately, I’m just me. I was furious with her when Emily told me what Liza had put her through, but once that initial spark burned off, I was back trying to people please. Over the past week or so, I’ve talked this through again and again and again. I know what Liza did was unforgivable, but I feel as anxious about confronting her as I did when I told my father I’d be joining the Cold Hearts instead of being in a boardroom with him after I graduated. There’s no way to handle this while also keeping everyone happy. I know this, but it hasn’t stopped me from doing Olympic style mental gymnastics to try to keep Liza from hating me.
It shouldn’t matter if she hates me. Her possessive behavior almost kept me from knowing my daughter. Who knows what other opportunities I’ve missed because Liza was desperate to keep me close by? How many times have I brushed off the concerns of my friends and past girlfriends and made excuses for her? How often did I play into her delusion that we’d be together someday because it was easier than telling her to back off? It wasn’t until after the Rachel Mayeski disaster that I even started putting in boundaries with anyone. I hadn’t been very successful holding them, either, until I met Emily and realized our connection was worth protecting.
When you’re programmed from childhood to smooth tempers so your mother doesn’t disappear into her bedroom for days or so your father doesn’t start smashing things around the house, it feels impossible to draw a line in the sand. I’m so used to sacrificing myself and stuffing down my needs that I feel naked and vulnerable making these moves to put myself first.
Liza took me under her wing. She introduced me to the right people, made me feel like she was looking out for me, even protecting me. For the longest time, I felt like I owed her everything and that nothing she asked me to do was too much—fancy dinners for just the two of us to “see and be seen”, accompanying me to every single away game, ignoring my calls when I “upset her” until I sent her flowers or a gift she’d been hinting at for weeks, and showing up unexpectedly wherever I went to “check on me” and “protect her asset”. Any time I had pushed back against any of that, I’d get the silent treatment.
Fuck.
Why did it take me this long to realize this perfectly mirrored my relationship with my mother?
I rub the back of my neck anxiously and check the GPS. Five minutes to her office. Emily reaches over and squeezes my knee affectionately.
“This is all going to be over soon,” she encourages. “You’ve got the wire transfer lined up, and Frank and his lawyer are going to meet us there. Everything is going to be okay.”
Lining everything up ahead of time so everything except telling Liza was done beforehand was the only way I was able to do this. Even though I’ve realized that she treated me poorly, I’m still afraid to upset her. It’s also a safety net so she can’t manipulate herself back into my life. That’s also why I’m bringing so many people as support.
Frank and his lawyer, Beth, are waiting for us outside the building. We all exchange polite greetings but fall silent as we enter the building.
“Hello, everyone. Welcome to—” She lifts her head to look at us properly and spots me. “Oliver, what a surprise!” Phyllis exclaims. “How are you?”
“Can’t complain. Is Liza in?” I ask even though I know the answer.
“She is, but her schedule is a bit full today.” She smiles apologetically.
“This won’t take long,” I say. “Isn’t there any way you can squeeze me in?”
“I’m not sure,” Phyllis says hesitantly.
Liza’s voice floats in from the hall. “Phyllis, you know good and well that I always have time for my favorite man.”
She rounds the corner beaming and throws herself into my arms.
“It’s so wonderful to see you, and so unexpected, too.” Liza beams. “What’s the occasion? You look a little pale. Has something happened? I know there’s been a lot of coverage of you with Emily in the media lately.” She turns on the sympathy. “She broke up with you because of all the reporters at her house, didn’t she?” She tsks. “They always think they can handle it, but they never can. Is that why you came here? For a pick me up?”
She pulls away from me and leans across the desk to talk to Phyllis, but it’s really an excuse to put her ass clearly in my line of sight. I’m not blind. She’s got a great ass, and it used to always distract me before. I only looked, never touched, but Liza took full advantage of her figure to throw me off guard.
“Clear my schedule. I’ll be needing the rest of the day to take care of my brokenhearted man,” she says with a voice full of concern.
This isn’t the first time she’s done this for me after a breakup, but it is the first time I’ve been able to look past her sympathetic frown and notice the glee in her eyes.
How could I have been so blind?
I’m frozen with self-loathing. Emily must see the tension in my shoulders because she steps in front of me as if to shield me from Liza, who is too busy pretending to write on Phyllis’s notepad as a cover for wiggling her ass in the air to notice. I don’t know how anyone could fail to notice Emily right now. She’s all I can see. Rationally, I know she’s a good foot and a half shorter than me, but the way she’s holding herself, she’s ten feet tall.
Once again, I’m struck by how much I love her. She’s here trying to protect me from a mess of my own making and saving me from myself when I start to flounder.
“Actually, Phyllis, that won’t be necessary. We’re just here for a brief visit,” Emily says firmly.
Liza’s face twists into an inhuman scowl at the sound of her voice, but when she turns to face us again, she’s all smiles. It’s frightening how quickly she’s able to make that change. It sends a chill down my spine.
“Oh, thank goodness,” she gushes with a smile that doesn’t meet her eyes. “I was so worried you’d broken this one’s heart. I’m so glad you’re still together.” She drops to a fake whisper. “He’s so needy after a breakup that I would have had to clear my schedule for weeks. So, what brings you here to my office together?”
It’s wrong, but I can’t help but be amused at how her face pinches every time she says the word together.