Page 76 of Ice Cold Hearts
I sit on the ledge of the tub behind her and slide my feet into the water.
“Are you joining me?” Her voice is sultry.
“Not quite,” I say. “Lean forward.”
She practically purrs as I start working through the knots in her back, making me seriously regret deciding to get her to talk instead of distracting her.
It’ll be better in the long run. Talking about it is the only way to make it through something terrible.
“Tell me what happened,” I say gently.
She walks me through everything—her relief at Jenna’s reaction, her regret over kissing Alexei in the parking lot, and the terror of suddenly being surrounded. They’d pressed against them so hard, their cameras and microphones dug into her. I see a few lens-shaped bruises on her back and fight the urge to hunt them down and return the favor.
Monsters, all of them.
I admire Alexei’s restraint at just pushing a path through them. I probably would have been throwing punches if I’d been there. Still, I don’t think that’s the only thing on her mind. There’s a lingering tension in her shoulders that I can’t rub away.
“I won’t push you, but I’m getting the feeling there’s something else bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
She tenses under my hands, then sighs. “You are dangerously perceptive, you know that?”
I squeeze her shoulders gently but say nothing.
“There is something else, but I really don’t want to talk about it.” Emily tilts her head up to look at me, and I nearly drown in the honey of her eyes. “I’m done with dwelling on bad shit for the day. Distract me, please?”
25
EMILY
“Are you sure you’re up for this, Emily? It’s been a long day. I can go or maybe put a podcast or meditation or something on to distract you instead,” Ian asks.
I sink down into the tub, embarrassed.
“Do you not want me?” I ask. “Did I complain too much?”
“No,” He says simply. “It’s just that when I was growing up, I turned to a lot of things instead of processing how I was feeling. It was partying, diving into school, fighting just about everyone, and cramming as much into my schedule as I could so I didn’t have time to think about constantly moving around the globe. Later, it was sex and hockey. I’m trying to do better about not being ashamed of my feelings and letting them happen instead of bottling them up until I explode, but I still struggle with it.”
He takes a breath, and I can tell he’s working up the courage to say something.
“Take your time,” I say, leaning back into him.
“It’s just that I’m worried you’re trying to distract yourself with sex in place of dealing with whatever is going on, and I care too much about you to enable that,” Ian says nervously.
It’s like I can feel my heart growing an Ian-sized space in it in real-time. He has got to be the most caring man on the planet. I never expected I’d ever have a man in my life who cared so deeply for me. He’s shown me his heart again and again over the course of these past few months, and every time, I am in awe of its capacity.
“You are an exceptionally wonderful person. Do you know that?” I ask.
“I’m just trying to be the person you deserve,” he says softly.
“You are more than enough,” I say, reaching behind me and resting a hand on his leg, “But, Ian, I promise I’m not running away from anything. There is something bothering me, it’s true. I’m really struggling on how to talk to you all about Audrey’s father. I’m not avoiding any feelings, it’s just that I’m still figuring out exactly how to say it. Dwelling on it after having to deal with a swarm of paparazzi isn’t going to help me figure out what I want to say. All it’s going to do is make me frustrated because I’m too emotionally drained to think straight. I’ve said everything I want to say about what happened at the hospital, and honestly, I’m tired of talking right now.”
“You know you can tell me what’s going on, right? I would never break your confidence,” he says seriously.
“I know that.” I smile. “I’m just not ready yet.”
“And you promise me that you’re actually okay?”
“I’m still a little upset by everything, but it’s not festering inside me.” I laugh. “I promise if I needed space or to talk more or to just sit quietly with you, I’d tell you. Right now, I just need to not think.”