Page 140 of Hockey Wife
He walked over to the window and sat on the sill. The noon-day sun caught his dark hair and cheekbones, giving him an angelic glow.
“We didn’t discuss it last time, and it turned out kind of messy.”
He was right. But it wouldn’t change a thing. “What did you want to talk about?”
“That night in Vegas.”
“Oh.”
He gave a curt nod. “You told me once that you were in a bad place when we first met. Still grieving Dani, looking for a way to ease the pain. I was the salve, or we were. Together. Only neither of us fought to stay married and that convinced you this wasn’t supposed to be. Do you remember that?”
She nodded slowly.
“Except I think we did fight, just in a more subtle way. We made choices, not always the best choices, but choices all the same. Ones that pushed us together.”
“I don’t know?—”
“You told your parents we got married.”
She blinked. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“You said it was an accident, letting the cat out of the bag. How’s Cheddar, by the way?”
“Still fighting his own shadow. I assumed my parents knew and I let it slip out.”
He stared at her, those deep brown eyes seeing all. “Is it possible that you told your parents because a part of you wanted to grab the horns of this wild thing you’d done and see if you could stay on?”
The lump of emotion in her throat was growing. “You think I leaked the news … on purpose?”
“Maybe. Subconsciously. Perhaps, to kickstart life into this thing we both thought was dead. Sure you wanted to convince your parents that you were stable and trustworthy, but to stay married to a stranger when you were convinced it was a mistake? That’s like me pretending I wanted to stay married to please my grandmother.”
She gasped. “Pretending? But that’s what you—you—what’s happening here?”
He straightened and took a few steps toward her. Just the sight of him standing tall and strong made her heart flutter dangerously.
I’m over you. I’m over you.
“We both needed permission to give this a shot, Peaches. So we invented reasons. My grandmother, your parents. And they were semi-decent reasons, ones that kept us in each other’s orbit where neither of us had to tell the whole truth. We could say we were doing each other a favor, nothing more. But the real reason was that something happened that night. Something magical and real and undeniable. I fell for you hard, and I think you fell right back.”
I’m over you. I’m so over?—
He kept going like he was heading for the blue zone.
Relentless. Unyielding. Banks.
“Then we panicked, only not at the same time because God forbid we be in sync about anything. First, you did when you tried to get it annulled a few days after we married. Then it was my turn when I thought this could never work because you’re young and fresh and so goddamn perfect. The idea of you taking that sickness and in health vow and sticking with a broken-down loser like me made me mad. I’ve been mad all summer. I was ready to sign those papers. Give you your freedom.”
“And now?”
His smile was a little sad. “I’m still ready because I would never tie you down if you need to fly free. That’s why I’m here. To talk to you, face to face. To see if you’re still lying your peach-perfect ass off. I need you to tell me you don’t care about me.”
“I-I can’t do that. And I never thought you were a broken-down loser,” she whispered. “You’re the bravest, toughest, most amazing man I know.”
He inched closer. “And you’re the kindest, strongest, most vibrant woman I’ve ever met. I was never prouder than when you were my wife. Baby, you took a puck to the head and didn’t even cry.”
If he didn’t stop talking, she would make up for that. Tears thickened her throat, and she wanted to speak, tell him to stop, stop, stop.
But she couldn’t.