Page 85 of Club Blood
I sighed and gestured at her. “Do you think this is living? It seems like a hellscape to me.”
“It would have been a life with you,” she said quietly, creating a chasm in my heart that ached more than turning.
“Then you should have allowed me the option. I would have chosen you, Mercy. But you didn’t give me the chance.”
Mercy stood then, throwing her hands up in the air. “YOU WERE DYING! How could any of us have lived with ourselves if we just let you die over something you should never have been involved in?”
I stood too, shoving her shoulders so she stumbled back. “It wasn’t your choice to make! You and Warren both chose selfishness over me. You decided you couldn’t live with the pain. That’s not love; it’s just fucking wickedness.”
A raw scream from the back of my throat was the only way I could adequately express my frustration. Turning my back on her, I wiped away the tears that had started to fall down my cheeks.
It was excruciating when the ones you loved were the ones who betrayed you.
“Get dressed. I will take you toAmbrosiato have blood from a donor, and then we can discuss things further.”
* * *
It wasweird to see the club through the eyes of a vampire. What seemed enchanting now looked ominous, though it could be argued that was now my default state of mind after everything that had happened to me inAmbrosia.
“Come.”
Mercy led me through the empty club and up to her office. I looked around for Warren, even if I was pissed at him. He was a comfort to both my human and immortal soul; I had grown accustomed to him being around.
Taking a seat in the plush chair behind her desk, Mercy motioned for me to sit down. I shook my head, declining her offer in favor of staring out her windows, watching her kingdom from above. It sent a chill down my spine to see it look abandoned – even if I knew better.
Clicking her pen absentmindedly, Mercy tried to break the silence. “Do you have a preference on what kind of donor you would like to feed from?”
I threw a glare at her over my shoulder. “I don’t give a fuck. I’m still going to have to feed from them, which is something I never expected myself to be doing. Just pick one.”
Sighing, Mercy punched in a number on her phone and demanded someone be sent up. Once she had hung up, she walked over to stand beside me.
“It’s not what you expected or wanted, but you will have to get used to feeding occasionally. There may not always be prepackaged blood at your disposal. This is your new normal, little flower.”
The air was heavy and awkward between us. Our bond, that attraction, had not been severed; but I was resolute in my anger.
“I reject that this is my normality now. I refuse.”
“It’s the only way to survive. You’ll die otherwise.”
“I know.”
Mercy spun to face me, horror hidden behind those gorgeous eyes. I could sense her fear, her desperation to change my mind, so I held a hand up to stop her before she even tried.
Cupping her cheek, I pressed a soft kiss to her lips. A reminder that my feelings did not cancel the other out; loving her and hating her coincided very easily.
“This is not a life I want to be forced into, Mercy. If I am to have any decisions left for myself, then I choose to end it.” Mercy choked on a sob, stepping out of my reach. I wrapped my arms around myself, if only to stop from reaching for her.
“I will stand by your side until you reclaim what is yours. I’ll help you take control again, getting rid of Carlisle so you can rule your kingdom as you wish. But when it’s done, Mercy, I want you to help me end it. I won’t be made to live a future that wasn’t intended for me; and Ineedyou to help me do it.”
“Please…”
I shook my head, willing myself to keep strong, despite wanting nothing more than to give into her pleas. Leaving her would devastate me, but living a life where I despised her for my existence would hurt far more.
Sensing my desperation, the plea in my eyes, Mercy nodded once.
“I need you to know that I don’t want this. My heart has been frozen for a long time, but you managed to love me anyway. So, as much as it pains me, I will not deny you your choice again, Cecelia. If this is what you want, I will help you.”
My mouth opened to thank her but no words came out. How did you thank someone for agreeing to conditions like that? I knew what I was asking her to do, and I knew it was cruel. It was selfish, just like her decision had been, but it was the only way to go forward. If only one of us could have a semblance of happiness, it should be her. Mercy had clawed her way to the top – she deserved to admire the view.