Page 3 of Shadows in Bloom
That night before the first day of our pilgrimage, I stood dressed like a prized heirloom, shivering under the frigid wind that lashed at my exposed skin, while the priestess read off my expectations. It was then that I realized, for the first time, that I was truly alone. That I was no Saintess. A Saintess was to be worshiped, not commanded. My people had raised me as though they idolized me, but I was ultimately their tool.
I attributed the unpleasant memory to the present onslaught of biting frost nipping at my flesh. It reminded me of home,deep in the Northern Expanse, where thick blankets of white always coated the ground regardless of the season. I should have been used to winter’s cruelty, but no—she was ever-changing, ever-wicked. Being in a foreign land made it all the worse.
A shiver crept up my spine, sending a chill across my arms and legs. The flames from the campfire licked at my exposed skin, providing fleeting relief, before another gust of wind chased the warmth away. Kallistra and I had been traveling south toward Fernfallow for weeks now, but the weather was still merciless at night. It was impossible to find comfort. Not with our bones this weary and our stomachs this famished.
Tonight’s dinner was a handful of scavenged berries and mushrooms, and a singular fish the size of a fist to share. My mouth watered at the scent of the sizzling flesh. I would eat it slowly, ignoring my urges to devour it in one bite, and savor every last morsel. At least then, I could pretend it was much larger than it truly was. I could lean back against the firm ground and let out a sigh of satisfaction. It would be enough. It had to be.
“We should be nearing the town,” Kallistra spoke, turning the stick that held our main course. “After we arrive, we can stay at an inn for a night or two and have a proper meal.”
I bit my lip. “We have hardly any coin left to spare for such a luxury.”
God knew we needed it. Kallistra’s light brown skin was clinging to her bones. At one point, she’d had a well-muscled body, but we had experienced too many nights like tonight, barely consuming enough to sustain ourselves. Her body was suffering the consequences of undernourishment. Guilt twisted in my chest every time I looked at her and saw the dark circles under her honey brown eyes. Our pilgrimage was killing her, and she would sooner let it than see me starve.
Our people had scrounged up all the coin they had, but it hadn’t been much, and our pilgrimage was taking far longer than they’d intended. We were never supposed to run out ofsupplies. Something was off. I was failing, and I did not know how to do better.
“That is not something you need to worry about.” Kallistra narrowed her eyes, a bite to her words. “I am here to protect you, and your purpose is to grow stronger and regain what you have lost,” Kallistra assured.
“I’m sorry. I know.” I lowered my head, the way I always did when she spoke to me that way, like a mother scolding a child. “But I want to contribute. It’s been two years on the road that you’ve been caring for me, and I have done hardly anything to assist you.”
“It is my duty.”
I frowned, a tightness forming in my chest. I had known it, that I was a ‘duty’ to her, yet the words stung like a fresh wound all the same.
“That’s not what I meant, Nairu…” Kallistra sighed, refocusing on the cooking fish. “You are my friend, beyond duty.”
“Then let us forget duty, if only for a short time.” I stood from my spot on the cold ground. “When we get to town, let’s take a job and earn back some gold. We can afford to lose some time in exchange for a bit of comfort, can we not?”
Kallistra pulled the fish from the fire and tore it in two, passing the larger piece to me. “They are questioning what is taking so long.”
It wasn’t a threat. Kallistra had said it calmly, but it still filled me with a feeling of dread, and even further beneath the surface—resentment. Another message must have arrivedfrom home inquiring about my progress through the enchanted stone Kallistra had been bestowed with at the start of our journey. Although my people never directly admitted my failure in duties, they skillfully implied it. Short messages were all they could send through the magical item, but that was all it took.
How was I supposed to progress when I hardly knew what it was they wanted of me? Why couldn’t they just explain it to me? I would fulfill their task in a heartbeat if it meant Kallistra and I could return home to comfort. But any inquiry led to nothing. ‘You need to become stronger,’ was the most I would get from them. I needed to master my magic, they’d say. No further direction. Once I mastered my magic, I would learn my purpose. They didn’t care to define ‘mastery’.
“I understand,” was all I mumbled in response, as I sat back down in front of the fire and nibbled at my food.
“Listen.” Kallista let out a breath. “If it’s a suitable fit for us, we can take a job. It might be wise for you to clear your head before we continue our travels. I’ll come up with an excuse, alright?”
I nodded and offered a half smile. I had heard similar words before, but they had been nothing more than empty promises served up to appease me. And just like those times before, I smiled and pretended to believe them. It was less complicated that way, to accept my role and fulfill my purpose. To never want for anything else.
“Eat up and get some sleep,” Kallistra murmured, rising from her spot and heading toward her bedroll.
The night provided no solace, despite a full moon and a cluster of stars lighting the sky. Even their beauty did not calm my anxiety riddled thoughts. I listened to the unending buzzing of insects in the distance, the whistling of the icy wind, and the gentle breathing of my friend beside me. Everything around me was at peace, even the pain in my stomach had faded, so why was I incapable of resting? What had put me so off balance today?
It took some time tossing and turning before I drifted into slumber, succumbing to the hands of exhaustion. It took longer yet for me to fall so deeply I dreamt.
I stood in front of the mirror in a bedroom I did not recognize and ran my hand along the cheek of a face that was reminiscent of my own. Was it mine? The eyes were the same shade of rich red, set into an unnaturally pale face. The hair, paler still, cascaded down to my hips in loose waves, partially done up in plaits. These strange characteristics were certainly my own. No, it was the garments I was unfamiliar with—far more luxurious than anything I’d ever worn. A fabric made of vivid red silk with intricate embroidery spun in silver thread.
“Are you ready, Nairu?” From the room’s corner, a voice called to me.
I turned to look, and my breath hitched in my throat. There, a figure stood without a face. Where it should have been was nothing but distorted darkness. The vision of it sent a stabbing pain through my head, forcing me to grab for the bedpost to stabilize myself. My breaths grew swift and labored as I scrunched my eyes tightly closed.
“What is wrong? Nairu!” the voice called out in panic.
I heard the shuffling of feet approaching me as I staggered back against the wall. “Stay away from me! Go!”
“It’s me! Nirenza!”
“I don’t know that name! Begone!” I shouted through gritted teeth, still refusing to look up at the thing that was speaking to me.