Page 104 of Scourged
She pulled her gaze to Sebastian’s, and her stomach dropped at the way he looked at her.
He looked … devastated.
His thumb stroked idly across the back of her hand, and she gulped, some of the ache in her chest fading at the touch.
“I am … so sorry,” he murmured, holding her gaze with so much intensity she thought her heart would burst. “For how I was. I was just so hopeless, and I felt like … like a failure. But I was selfish about it, because even though I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, I acted like I was. I lost sight of myself, and if you never forgive me for that, I’ll understand.” He sighed, his thumb still tracing maddening circles across her skin. “It wasn’t fair of me to take any of it out on you, or to remind you of those monsters. Mariah may be my queen, but you will always be my friend.”
More tears prickled behind Ciana’s eyes, and with a sniff she again wiped them away with the back of her hand.
“You’re a softy, you know that?”
Sebastian grinned, loosening a light chuckle. “I prefer to think of myself as ‘emotionally available.’”
“Alright, that’s too far. No need to indulge in that sort of flattery.”
His smile widened, so brilliant that something in her chest cracked. His beauty was radiant, and it was unfair that his heart shined just as bright.
Too bad it would never work between them. For thousands and thousands of reasons.
She pulled her hand from his, reluctance straining her movement, and reached for her ale. They both took a few sips, watching the crowds around them in companionable silence before she steeled herself and turned to him again.
“There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
He glanced at her through his thick lashes. “Oh?”
She tightened her jaw and lifted her chin. “When are you going to stop punishing Andrian for something we all know he didn’t do?”
In an instant, the warmth vanished from his eyes. The mask of the cool commander slid over his face, hardening everything about him. “We don’t know for certain it wasn’t him.”
Ciana scoffed. “I know you’re not an idiot, Sebastian. You’ve known Andrian longer than any of us. He’s an ass, sure, and I know we were all a bit worried there in the beginning, but I am willing to bet that Enfara itself would freeze over before he would ever willingly hurt her.”
“He’s the one who took her, Cee.”
“And he claims he was just as trapped as she was.” She glared back at him. “You’ve called him your brother before. I didn’t know being family meant turning your back on someone the second those loyalties are tested.”
Sebastian was tense and angry, scowling as he held her stare. Then, as if a breeze washed through the tavern, his mood lifted, a thundercloud vanishing on a morning wind. He loosened a great exhale and sagged.
“You’re right,” he said. “I just … I need to do something. I can’t just sit here as she’s in pain.”
This time, it was Ciana who reached out a hand to him, resting it lightly on his broad shoulder. “I understand,” she said. “But … you can’t protect her from everything. And this decision? What to do with a member of her own Armature,especiallyhim? She needs to be the one to decide. Not you.”
He looked at her, then at the hand on his shoulder, then back at her. With another breath, he deflated further, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the bar.
Beva reappeared, two fresh mugs full of ale in her hands.
“We looked like we needed a refill down here.” She set the pints on the bar, swiping away the now-empty glasses. Ciana reached for hers just as Sebastian did. She turned to him, glass lifted.
“Cheers,” she said, “to having our queen home and not knowing what the fuck happens next.”
With a spark of hope and glee in her heart, Sebastian turned to her, lifting his own ale. A smile spread across his handsome face.
“Now that, I’ll cheers to.”
As their glasses clinked and Ciana lost herself in the mug and in Sebastian’s friendship, she felt genuine happiness.
Chapter 40
Mariah lay on her back in a small clearing in the game park woods; eyes closed as she soaked up the warm spring sun. The soft grass tickled her bare arms as her fingers curled around the delicate strands.